Health: Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 525

You deserved it 10 688

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 22 043

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 951

You deserved it 5 821

By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 604

You deserved it 61 299

By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 164

You deserved it 7 711

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 016

You deserved it 9 980

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 03:05 - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 308

You deserved it 3 239

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

By Seamstressed - 09/02/2017 20:00 - Italy

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 236

You deserved it 1 266

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 331

You deserved it 4 134

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 941

You deserved it 9 372

Michaelgee 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:05

I guess you can you say your fashion sense is certainly "cutting edge" Sincerely, Your useless superhero Bad Pun Man.

hannah1203 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:13

Rabbi's don't get paid to do circumcisions, but they do keep the tips...

Comments

ningaunicorn 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:16

dude how is that even possible?????

skatergamedude 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:20

ouch bro!!!

ashleighmef 7

Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:35

don't go free and you could have avoided that minor procedure

dannilozon 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:35

ewie

tommyboy101 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:49

**** that man no way. that would kill!!!!

jenaandtyler4eva 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:07

sucks for you

FlyingLazerWALRU 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:34

Ouch. Well, that's why you get it done when your a baby. Much less painful.

Pinkandblack 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 8:22

Mazel Tov!

mbthebulldog 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 8:48

Brandon!?

DoubtedSeeker 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 9:33

I'm sorry for two thing tight now 1. your penis; 2. the fact that I'm laughing at all these comments at you expense XD

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 111

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 005

You deserved it 3 398

The Top

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 936

You deserved it 5 523

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 020

You deserved it 12 016

Today, I arrived at the house we rented for my sister's engagement party. I was also told that I have to sleep in the most cramped bedroom with my uncle, who sounds like a mortally wounded warthog when he snores. I paid for the rental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 036

You deserved it 307

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 211

You deserved it 1 610

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 954

You deserved it 467

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 138

You deserved it 9 053

Same thing different taste

Butterfingers

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

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