Love: Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and...

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 05:38 - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 337

You deserved it 3 256

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 3 142

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 802

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 206

You deserved it 8 741

By Denki - 30/01/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 162

You deserved it 4 514

By Anonymous - 09/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 749

You deserved it 1 308

The show must go on!

By Stuckwiththebill - 28/01/2018 01:30

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 640

You deserved it 439

By Bridget - 06/05/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 286

You deserved it 7 167

Unapproving

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 18:56 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 016

You deserved it 2 269

By impickingyourhomegran - 13/08/2012 22:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 675

You deserved it 1 943

Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 965

You deserved it 1 560

MetalxSoldier 26

Sunday 1 February 2015 6:21

Tell your grandpa it's ok, you have the key.

PossiblyInDanger 24

Sunday 1 February 2015 6:30

Believe it or not, women enjoy sex too. Marriage doesn't mean no more sex.

Comments

teentee401 36

Sunday 1 February 2015 16:45

Men who think that sex ends after marriage are probably just doing to wrong.

doughdreads 7

Sunday 1 February 2015 16:49

That's hilarious. Your Grandfather is awesome.

Grey_Tempest 16

Sunday 1 February 2015 16:58

For many marriage means begging of sex... Especially really religious people.

valalvax 13

Sunday 1 February 2015 17:27

I think the belief comes from the fact that some women lose a lot of their sex drive after menopause, and for some it becomes painful due to dryness (and they haven't figured out how lube works)

countryb_cth 38

Thursday 5 February 2015 8:22

With the menopause thing lube doesn't work. It has to bed special lube or meds because its like the Sahara desert down there.

mistress_paz 30

Sunday 1 February 2015 17:52

It's creepy that your grandfather was even thinking about your wife's ******, much less said that noise out loud. I mean it's just a dumb joke, but pretty gross that he made it so personal.