Animals: Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing...

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 344

You deserved it 4 376

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Same thing different taste

By fearofzombies - 13/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 311

You deserved it 13 256

By CatLady - 24/08/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 547

You deserved it 4 164

By animal lover... - 05/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 897

You deserved it 4 043

Night terror

By Kira - 12/06/2021 04:01

Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 108

The gift

By Anonymous - 15/12/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 171

Where is my mind?

By Holy fuck - 01/04/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 139

Panic!

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 782

You deserved it 1 411

Your days are numbered, puny human

By Cat Mama - 22/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 319

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 690

You deserved it 9 176

FMLemur 4

Monday 26 March 2012 0:44

Nothing better than being woken up by a pussy I always say.

DocBastard 38

Monday 26 March 2012 0:57

I'm confused - was the urine yours, or did the car pee on you to wake you? "Dammit, wake up and feed me! No? Well then I'll pee on your head. Wake up!! Still not up? That's it, here come the claws of death!!"

Comments

DocBastard 38

Monday 26 March 2012 0:57

DocBastard 38

Monday 26 March 2012 1:00

cat* Stupid editing.

G0odgrief 0

Monday 26 March 2012 1:00

I was wondering the same thing. I have nightmares but I have never peed myself. hell my four year old doesn't pee himself when he has a nightmare

crazyblackchick 0

Monday 26 March 2012 1:01

How does a car pee on someone? Edit: damn timing.

G0odgrief 0

Monday 26 March 2012 1:02

autocorrect I bet

perdix 29

Monday 26 March 2012 0:59

Whose urine? Yours, the cat's, or both? Someone asked if we have dogs that weigh over 250 lbs, why are domestic cats mostly under 20 lbs? The answer was if a cat was any bigger, it would kill you. You may want to invest in an automatic feeder or life insurance.

Eorlas 31

Monday 26 March 2012 1:55

cats should be under 20 lbs to be of healthy weight. there are weight ranges for animals that define their body mass condition. similar to humans, they essentially cover anorexic to obese. if i am in an exam room with a cat and it weighs 20lbs, i know the cat is very overweight. not necessarily just by reading 20lbs, but also because its ribs are not easily palpable and the fat around the abdomen and upper chest area hangs fairly close to the ground

perdix 29

Monday 26 March 2012 2:05

What I was referring to is why weren't house cats bred to be of larger weight normally. You wouldn't have a domestic cat the size of a bobcat. It would rip your throat out.