Miscellaneous: Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be...

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 061

You deserved it 109 698

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/07/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 852

You deserved it 80 965

Gimme a break

By anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 896

You deserved it 396

By ThinZ - 24/12/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 882

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 466

You deserved it 2 900

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 216

You deserved it 4 359

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 211

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 770

You deserved it 3 479

Damned if you do…

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 348

You deserved it 41 596

About3goats 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:02

Dick

kpacek330 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:04

asshole. did you really think you'd get sympathy by posting this?

Comments

Pb25797051 0

Monday 21 February 2011 6:36

Damn how sensitive are women these days? Can't even tell a joke! Though but when THEY are sexist they're "just havin some fun."

amburger7345 3

Monday 21 February 2011 6:42

Thank you!

amburger7345 3

Monday 21 February 2011 6:44

That was for 15

fishface15 0

Monday 21 February 2011 6:53

wow.. you sexist asshole... if you think thats cool to say in front of your buddies, you are totally wrong. YDI you ****.

sexy_lola21 0

Monday 21 February 2011 6:58

obviously he's compensating for something....

littlemissgrace 15

Tuesday 30 August 2011 8:17

Wow. Your hair makes me sad .___. and not every stupid thing a guy does has to be compensating, my bf says shit like that all the time (JOKINGLY, just like OP) and believe me, he doesn't need to compensate. Bitch.

purple_sarah88 0

Monday 21 February 2011 7:01

That was a stupid comment and you deserve to look stupid. You shouldn't say that to your wife, she should be your partner not your chef and she's clearly unhappy with the put downs. You might want to try treating her with respect while you still have the chance. However I think her comment was also sexist and wrong. I mean she's fighting back against sexism by dissing another woman saying she's fat and just a piece of meat? What? Doesn't anyone else see the irony here?!

NotBree 0

Monday 21 February 2011 10:48

Ripping off an in-law who's apparently old, fat & an animal isn't sexism. Insulting a woman isn't sexist, especially if you're a female.

purple_sarah88 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 0:22

Honestly judging a woman by her age and appearance and using anti woman insults plays right into sexism. Sometimes women don't help each other!

brantman 0

Monday 21 February 2011 7:10

The real question is was the mom flipped in time...

Avenged7Gabe 0

Monday 21 February 2011 7:10

you wish #15

fizziwizzi 5

Monday 21 February 2011 7:14

I think her joke is actually that the mom is "cold" in the sense that mother-in-laws are often perceived to be mean.....so she is warming her up by cooking her....I think !!! Or that she is cooking her because she killed her for being so mean....something like that.... And for those saying "her joke wasn't very mature" she answered a fool at his level....puerile comment to match puerile, sexist, stupid "humour"....