Miscellaneous: Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts...

By wishihadpockets - 28/01/2010 10:24 - United States

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 264

You deserved it 43 252

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By Anonyme - 30/08/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 138

You deserved it 35 990

By ThatsNotRight - 31/01/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 31 068

By Kaboom - 21/04/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 671

You deserved it 19 670

By Poser - 20/12/2009 04:24 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 228

You deserved it 46 170

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 511

You deserved it 7 813

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 08:28 - Australia

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 237

You deserved it 11 893

By Jac - 17/01/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 783

You deserved it 32 833

With friends like these…

By Poor as fuck - 29/05/2019 22:07

Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 329

By Tyler - 03/09/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 233

You deserved it 1 981

By Misky - 02/07/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 596

You deserved it 28 475

BirdieC 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:08

That's kind of a weird thing to say..

iitsya3l 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:04

lol I can picture that perfectly how's your recovery?

Comments

j_agony 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:34

LMFAO!! GOD THAT IS HILARIOUS! I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR THAT! *high five*

Gneekman 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:46

FYL, indeed. Your "friend" needs a sense of humor, it seems.

flashback.miss 28

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:52

thats what you get for innuendo... deliberate or not XD

smedrick 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 16:54

YDI. Wear some real pants.

DynamicDave 11

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:15

LMFAO! Were you actually going to give him a cig or were you actually implying...? Either way, I lol'ed IRL. that's awesome!

fullmetal93 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:15

ha you kinda deserved it

lickmyjock 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:18

no ****

wordgirl 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 20:02

Ha. If that was a guy friend, it's more like maybe ****.

sarcdude 3

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:39

YDI for being a douche, literally.

VacuumNinja 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 19:38

He was literally a shower of water that is squirted into a woman's yummy-parts?

VacuumNinja 0

Friday 29 January 2010 6:53

Well? They're parts, and they're yummy. Therefore, yummy-parts. :D

sarcdude 3

Tuesday 2 February 2010 14:24

@45. Yes, yes he was. *nods*

MagicalPegicorn 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:40

Jesus man, horrible wording.

Elamdri 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 17:40

What kind of men's shorts don't have pockets? Stop wearing women's clothing and bad things won't happen to you.

myfriend_youfail 3

Thursday 28 January 2010 18:25

Most athletic shorts don't have pockets. Duh.

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The Top

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 939

You deserved it 9 693

Today, I went to my local library to study. As I settled in, I dropped my water bottle, causing a mini flood. Panicked, I tried to clean it up with paper towels, only to knock over a stack of books, creating a domino effect of chaos. The librarian gave me the dirtiest look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 312

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 343

Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 185

You deserved it 2 500

Today, after weeks of debating with myself, I finally got the courage to ask out my best friend of 9 years. She turned me down, saying that dating me would be like adopting a puppy, and she doesn't want that kind of responsibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 047

You deserved it 2 810

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 124

You deserved it 6 503

Same thing different taste

Get back here

With friends like these…

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