Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed...

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 203

You deserved it 14 885

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

The Scatman

By Mandy - 13/03/2022 10:00

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 2 146

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 349

You deserved it 2 827

By fjafja - 07/03/2009 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 631

You deserved it 13 337

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 16 871

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 298

By Bawo - 02/06/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 068

You deserved it 33 988

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 363

You deserved it 1 405

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 74 043

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 851

You deserved it 13 789

Minorchord 4

Friday 29 May 2009 22:28

Perfectly normal, mature adult behavior. Nothing at all to be concerned about. Not whatsoever.

heavyop 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:33

Wait, did he leave immediately after that without saying anything? Cause if he did, he sure knows how to make an exit.

Comments

coffeennicotine 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:12

Omg, I'm so sorry. That's just... yea... terrible

musicfanatic 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:14

Mhmmm, such a turn-on. I would've gone back for round two!

dips200 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:30

That's awesome. Good for that guy. You should've taken the lighter and tried to one up him. That would've been a match made in heaven.

devilax31 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:33

maybe if u didnt smoke u wouldnt have this problem

finnaaas 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:53

can you say freakk?!

TryToBeKind 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 3:14

I walked in on my 9-year-old doing that with his friends. I laughed hysterically.

xabuko 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 3:35

U sure know how to pick 'em love!

Swan_fml 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:24

DId you date him long before you fkd him? I'm sure there were signs that he was emotionally stunted when you went out with him.

overxrated 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:26

he's a keeper

JENNYBABYY 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:27

ohmeegee wtf never again

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The Top

You’re probably wondering what this website is all about. Well, it’s basically a bunch of people who had enough humor to tell you all about their shitty lives, and what it was that made their day suck a big fat one. Some are sad in funny way, som...

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Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

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The Top

Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the median strip and continue the wrong way up the other side of the highway. FML

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Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

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You deserved it 129

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

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You deserved it 13 272

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

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You deserved it 3 050

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

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Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

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