Miscellaneous: Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself...

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 023

You deserved it 5 716

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Same thing different taste

By bathroomgirl - 11/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 37 196

By youlovewaffles - 03/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 435

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 7 111

By Anonymous - 06/03/2012 19:54 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 644

You deserved it 22 482

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 426

By Matti - 17/08/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 241

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:26 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 784

You deserved it 23 763

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 388

You deserved it 13 707

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 773

You deserved it 3 361

strokesie 23

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

At least they were entertained, right?

KillSwitch96 18

Thursday 8 May 2014 5:20

You must have been singing pretty loud to have not heard them grunting and straining!

Comments

alicat13 12

Friday 9 May 2014 5:19

I am just suprised that he was still constipated!

reeses1981 10

Saturday 10 May 2014 23:48

Not a FML, sing loud and proud OP!!

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Today, we got a new kitchen but in my wife’s brain it’s so perfect that she doesn’t want it ruined by anything, so no one is allowed to use it. it’s been installed for 4 days, we haven’t cooked anything, used the sink, fridge empty. I can’t even put anything on the counter in case it scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 79

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 5 576

The Top

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My teammates waved and said "BYE POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 856

You deserved it 5 628

Today, I prepared a detailed plan to organise my life, colour-coded and beautifully illustrated. I was so engrossed in designing the perfect plan that I forgot to actually do any of it and ended up with a highly organised non-starter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 432

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 338

You deserved it 10 936

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 514

You deserved it 5 863

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 366

You deserved it 3 663

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 921

You deserved it 716

Same thing different taste

Phantom pooper

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