Miscellaneous: Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 373

You deserved it 8 535

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Same thing different taste

Manchild

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 498

You deserved it 4 336

Control

By Person - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that'll be happening on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 2 441

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 577

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 974

You deserved it 99 955

Self report

By Anonymous - 25/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 041

You deserved it 5 529

By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 1 841

By Robert - 28/12/2017 01:30

Today, my girlfriend's mother invited me to her 18th birthday. She lied about her age. I have been screwing a minor for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 2 096

By Michelle - 15/08/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 208

You deserved it 23 200

Bad seed

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 22:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 342

Next

Top comments

fatman1970 25

Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:13

Your 24? Surely you have the right to meet whatever boys you want.

imnotc00l 10

Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:15

If your parents aren't allowing you to live your life it might be time to try and move out.

Comments

rvontr88 21

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:01

Seriously? Grow up. If you're gay, it's time to come out and move out. If you're straigh, yeah it's just time to grow up and start dating men...

cheeeksss 29

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:15

What? What does sexual orientation have to do with this?

odamaliekh 26

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:43

#15, don't be such a douche.

alvarny 17

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:05

it depends, are you a boy or a girl and does your parent know...

militarybrat 21

Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:43

Why does it matter if op is a boy or girl? Answer: it DOESNT.

cassidi24 10

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:06

Haha I kinda know how that feels. I'm 21 and am moving out into my own house but I'm still not allowed I have a guy over while living at my parents house. Gotta love em!

jvanevery 19

Wednesday 21 October 2015 20:11

it all depends I would have been very awkward about a strange young man suddenly appearing in my house in the morning if on the other hand were talking about your long-term squeeze that everybody knows it wouldn't be so awkward

xx000o 27

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:22

Somebody needs to grow up, and/or get some "balls"

Zharroth 4

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:25

Sounds like a little monster

Jets4Life89 4

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:31

So umm....tell your ******* mom that?

HitmanKillsYou 13

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:40

sounds to me like your brother has shitty taste in video games.

TheGingerKang 3

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:17

Sounds like you've never played Halo. Sounds like you're judging it before even knowing it. SOUNDS like you're a dick.

CharismaGeek 19

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:40

SOUNDS LIKE you're a butthurt Halo fan.

TheGingerKang 3

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:49

Sounds like you only have an insulting way to describe me. My ass isn't hurting so your statement is inaccurate. I can defend what I enjoy.

GrymReefer420 9

Friday 23 October 2015 6:17

halo is one of the greatest video game franchises ever. sounds like you're a disgruntled PlayStation owner.

kuro21 20

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:09

Does anyone think that maybe OP is gay and hasn't told his parents yet?

mads_fml 7

Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:16

I thought about that

am_bugg 20

Tuesday 20 October 2015 16:35

That was my first thought actually.

warped_executive 16

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:45

Cod ftw tho

dragoongirl90 34

Wednesday 21 October 2015 6:14

Really? CoD is a great game. HALO is an equally great game, in different ways. Shut your loose hole before someone sticks in something you don't want in there, fanaticgirl.

TheGingerKang 3

Wednesday 21 October 2015 6:40

Arguments like these are why gamers all hate each other for different tastes.

warped_executive 16

Wednesday 21 October 2015 14:06

Lol shut the **** up wow

GrymReefer420 9

Friday 23 October 2015 6:20

yeh cod is sooooo good.... they put the same game out like twice a year....

FuckThisLogin 32

Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:35

Damn, I wish I got free shit for no reason :(

countryb_cth 38

Tuesday 20 October 2015 23:35

Start blackmailing people. It may back fire but hey, free stuff.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

You deserved it 5 868

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 189

You deserved it 11 246

The Top

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing an ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 485

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 029

You deserved it 6 556

Today, my old high school mates organised a dinner hangout so that my recent ex, who is part of our group, could introducing her new boyfriend to us. I was late and the only remaining seat available was next to the new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 291

Today, I informed my daughter-in-law that I’m a granny, not an unpaid, on-call 24/7 babysitter, and no, I will not be babysitting her kids all day so she can go to an all-day brunch with her similarly selfish girlfriends. She threw an actual tantrum and threatened to put me in a home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 177

Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 285

Today, my boyfriend came over to meet my family. When I told him I had an autistic brother before he came in, he immediately broke up with me because he claimed autism is another word for overprotective. I've been dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 234