Love: Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 496

You deserved it 7 372

By countryblumpkin - 01/08/2013 18:06 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 086

You deserved it 7 166

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 243

You deserved it 8 494

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 638

You deserved it 54 189

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 6 884

We need to talk

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Foam Lake

Spicy

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 632

You deserved it 2 979

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 10:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 269

You deserved it 7 595

Are you OK?

By FUCKING IDIOT - 09/11/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 822

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 164

You deserved it 7 104

Next

Top comments

Jasim 17

Sunday 11 January 2015 19:18

That's one hell of a bargain.

gerardwhy 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 19:17

But did he bring the toilet paper?

Comments

revidffum69 22

Monday 12 January 2015 3:39

You could have used his towel.

djstiv3 15

Monday 12 January 2015 3:53

seems fair. you probably give him shit all the time lol he could, pay you back by just giving the TP, but he probably feels he needs to top you by gettin something extra for the inconveniance.

cookie1207 19

Monday 12 January 2015 4:04

This just gave me a perfect idea! Ill go hide all the TP in the bathroom!

LPisLame 16

Monday 12 January 2015 4:05

? word?? That's petty as shit.

Tonisha1989 11

Monday 12 January 2015 4:10

I would have said as long as I can fake it without feeling guilty next time we have sex.

birdeye1524 12

Monday 12 January 2015 4:27

He's probably going to start stealing the toilet paper for more blow jobs now. I'd come up with new terms unless you become very okay with carpet burn on your knees.

ebadams311 10

Monday 12 January 2015 5:05

me and my husband have had the same exact fight...swear

mrscole2014 1

Monday 12 January 2015 5:18

my husband would do the same thing!

Kevin1157 10

Monday 12 January 2015 5:27

Well played sir. OP, does your husband teach classes? If so, how much?

shaynacaves 15

Monday 12 January 2015 5:44

This sounds like a beautiful relationship you guys have!

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Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 5 064

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 716

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I agree, your life sucks 21 580

You deserved it 66 682

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I agree, your life sucks 21 637

You deserved it 23 824

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say, "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 433

You deserved it 4 239

Today, my husband finally was ready to have sex, even though he feels it's a bit weird because I'm pregnant. Due to morning sickness, I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 287