Neighbours, Farts and Miscellaneous: Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't...

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 275

You deserved it 3 029

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 3 647

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 807

You deserved it 36 005

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 846

You deserved it 6 933

By monochrometea - 09/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 890

You deserved it 2 371

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 339

You deserved it 32 302

Mambo Number 5

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 18:00

Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 15:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 2 913

Gas wars

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 15:59 - United States

Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 94

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 21:00 - Canada - Terrace

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 428

The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 3 632

Naitras 15

Monday 12 September 2011 12:09

Why bother? It's apparent they don't care about it

tsume24 3

Monday 12 September 2011 12:10

if I were you I'd be trying to make mine louder than theirs.

Comments

i_am_that_one 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 0:47

Haha you must hear when they have sex too....

HannahPaloozah 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 2:24

Do u live in a card board box ??

everyonelovesme 12

Tuesday 13 September 2011 3:20

But the question is can you smell them......? :(

rainydayz133 6

Tuesday 13 September 2011 3:45

Maybe it's time for some new walls and ceilings??

stewpididiot 11

Tuesday 13 September 2011 5:47

Why fart and waste it When You can burp and taste it !?!?!

Paulacookie 18

Tuesday 13 September 2011 6:03

That's disgusting.

HunterAlpha1 8

Tuesday 13 September 2011 21:07

let 'er rip!

panderluver 0

Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:59

tell them you can haer them. their response will most likely be funny.

yuggi1 11

Friday 1 June 2012 8:22

Holding gas can be dangerous and painful. True story!

soulstrike23 6

Thursday 27 December 2012 19:08

Put your ass as close to ceiling as you can get it and then unleash the nastiest loudest fart possible

red61977 9

Wednesday 5 June 2013 20:04

Stifle a fart? That made me laugh.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 472

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 78

The Top

Today, my wife came back from a three-day moms' retreat, and was mad I didn't immediately want to spend time with her. She called me 68 times (yes, I counted) while she was gone, so it was really like she never left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 102

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 337

You deserved it 12 687

Today, I volunteered to babysit my nephew. He somehow managed to lock himself in the bathroom and then flood it with the sink. I had to call his parents, and they're now on their way home from their romantic anniversary dinner. I'm not even getting paid for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 211

Today, I found out that my husband of 11 years shared nude pictures of me with random people online, to 'show me off' and to masturbate to the pictures he received in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 126

You deserved it 725

Today, I took a nap in my hammock in the backyard. Just as I was dozing off, I heard a loud snap, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground surrounded by broken ropes and a hammock that'd turned into a cocoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 105

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 year-old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 774

You deserved it 2 858