Intimacy: Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband... - FML

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 638

You deserved it 54 189

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 54 177

Deep ink

By Wanderlei Santos - 09/07/2020 14:03

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 107

Jumping the gun

By Kelsie - 26/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 979

Grossed out

By anne - 07/01/2016 12:00 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 4 811

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 60 629

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 357

Nice mental image

By Maggie - 17/03/2020 17:00

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 341

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Spicy

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 49 717

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 12 601

Next

Top comments

nasek718 2

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:18

Iguess this is a FMA not FML

soccerguy77 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:03

negotiation buttseks??:O

Comments

RVCA_fml 0

Friday 27 August 2010 18:17

doesn't make u a bad girl!!!

parte_perdiz 0

Friday 27 August 2010 20:13

I was thinking more along the lines of it's expensive. and they are married so they share money now.

interejected 0

Friday 27 August 2010 22:27

whats wrong with that? Jim Carrey negotiates with his butthole all the time

TomasT 0

Friday 27 August 2010 22:47

A good commodity, eh?

5t3ff1k4h 44

Friday 27 August 2010 23:36

Not all tattoos are expensive. OP didn't state how large the tattoo she wanted was... for all you know it could have been a tiny heart or star or something on her ankle.

eyecatcher 0

Friday 27 August 2010 23:39

what are you going to use for next negotiation? earhole? or nosehole? lol

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 28 August 2010 0:03

Bellybutton.

Flyboy63 2

Saturday 28 August 2010 0:39

Si, has anyone asked the OP if she enjoyed it. I'd like to know how many women do? especially those of you who commented.

nisa1992 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 0:44

ewwie. id just get it whether he likes it or not, its your body.

Lizzombie 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 1:27

classy broad arentcha?

mad2physicist 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 2:44

What? I say if you want a tattoo, get it, and f*ck what he thinks! I mean it'd be one thing if you said 'I won't get this because I know you won't like it,' but giving sexual favours for it? Ridiculous.

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The Top

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 306

You deserved it 125 970

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

The Top

Today, I got called into my manager’s office for wearing “leggings.” They weren’t leggings, they were work pants with a straight leg. I said to her that the other girls wear them in the office. She told me, "But they have a slim figure, you're on the pudgier side and it looks bad. No offense.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 290

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 656

You deserved it 100 216

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 990

You deserved it 8 334

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 646

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 2 660

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 502

You deserved it 4 175