Intimacy: Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex"...

its a bird! no its a plane! not its Sex Woman! she's using her magnificent breasts as hot air balloons! She is always there when men need to get laid!

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 119

You deserved it 3 775

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 054

You deserved it 8 438

The Top

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 2 853

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 051

You deserved it 6 568

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 328

You deserved it 2 596

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 070

You deserved it 3 430

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 492

You deserved it 332

Today, I'm celebrating my birthday in Russia. While we were enjoying a sauna, one of the guests decided to add water in order to make steam. It wasn’t water, it was vodka. You can imagine the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 171