Health: Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some... - FML

By Nixontones - 14/10/2011 15:09 - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 061

You deserved it 2 521

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 605

You deserved it 4 359

Inconvenienced

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 20:00 - United States - Dover

Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 85

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 119

You deserved it 3 813

Tis the season to be jolly

By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 86

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 132

Clogged

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 00:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 112

Apocalypse Now

By dacara6415 - 26/08/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 218

You deserved it 4 562

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 5 958

By urinanalysis - 03/12/2009 16:08 - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 7 313

Next

Top comments

awagh666 14

Friday 14 October 2011 18:52

Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.

alliewillie 22

Friday 14 October 2011 18:54

Might wanna get that checked out...

Comments

Salem145 0

Friday 14 October 2011 21:17

Ok first off. 34 your an if you think girls pissing out blood is normal. You need to have a talk with a mother, (your 's) older sister, or an aunt There are two diffrent holes down there. And thats not counting your anus. As for the poor person peeing blood if you haven't been to an er yet go in and get checked.

_Vamp_ 9

Friday 14 October 2011 21:24

That was the Nixon fanatic that heard you say "Nixon's presidency sucked" 7 years ago at Applebee's. He finally tracked you down through the smell of your cologne. He will be back. These guys don't play. Lol :)

Schmoozee98 0

Friday 14 October 2011 21:27

nixon must have a fetish with kidneys

j_cat187 19

Friday 14 October 2011 21:45

Kidney shot? That's ******* low

moviegirl6 5

Friday 14 October 2011 21:47

You should definitely get to the hospital; that's how Houdini died.

IamKAB 13

Friday 14 October 2011 21:50

That sucks, I'm sorry, but you should definitely get to the hospital. That sounds pretty serious! Hope that you feel better soon!

sierralovesyou 0

Friday 14 October 2011 21:57

Poor guy, I hope you're at the hospital :( Get well soon hun

johncarterer93 0

Friday 14 October 2011 21:59

Holy! I would go to a hospital like, right now!!

polishperson5253 5

Friday 14 October 2011 22:09

Please, just shut up.

lncrow 2

Friday 14 October 2011 22:16

Go to the doctor.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 747

You deserved it 17 915

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, after not being on the schedule for a week, I checked to see what my next shift was, only to find my employee profile edited to 'disabled' and still no hours or word from any managers. This after weeks of showing up at the drop of a hat when needed for any position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 85

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 809

You deserved it 7 522

Today, I was in the gym waiting for my boyfriend while he played racquetball. I had to listen to old men talk about their prostates for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 493

You deserved it 2 950

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 366

You deserved it 1 926

Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 276

You deserved it 194

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 982

You deserved it 3 153