Love: Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing...

By UHM - 06/10/2013 21:54 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 277

You deserved it 4 019

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Same thing different taste

By leahrb - 24/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 349

You deserved it 1 890

By Karim - 12/12/2012 05:29 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 518

You deserved it 3 207

By Jes_jes18 - 02/05/2013 18:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 972

You deserved it 7 692

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 369

You deserved it 3 511

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 454

You deserved it 4 233

By bregaja - 25/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 855

You deserved it 1 624

By spanishsucks - 01/04/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 317

You deserved it 2 908

Still the same

By John Doe - 10/01/2020 05:00

Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 370

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 05:50 - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 158

You deserved it 2 103

Stacy's Mom

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out the one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 250

Beepbeep7 14

Monday 7 October 2013 2:41

Wow your mother has issues.

Gearden 8

Monday 7 October 2013 4:48

I think his mom is a bit ovary protective.

Comments

why57why 21

Tuesday 8 October 2013 21:27

Well it is probably true

xRezSynn 15

Wednesday 9 October 2013 15:12

Wow.

tb1010 1

Thursday 10 October 2013 3:04

Abstinence in 3-2-1......

anthony99 14

Thursday 10 October 2013 5:11

Sterling Archer, is that you?

Brutaldollie 3

Saturday 12 October 2013 4:31

who says suckled? honestly.

Winterizer 2

Monday 14 October 2013 5:13

R her boobs big?

Winterizer 2

Monday 14 October 2013 5:15

Your girlfriend not your mom! Sorry should have specified

shinikageWolf 15

Saturday 26 October 2013 19:47

Eminemfan7 6

Wednesday 30 October 2013 1:42

Ewwww...:/

young_stud 14

Friday 1 November 2013 15:19

your mom is one weird ************

Keywords

Dad jokes Awkward Embarrassing Holidays Miscellaneous Work Messy Kids Family Christmas Annoying Health Relatable Haircut Hair I need your advice Money Parents Gifts Lonely Cars Drunk Love Ironic Sex Intimacy Technology Social Media Weird Am I overreacting?

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 787

You deserved it 22 721

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 927

You deserved it 5 943

The Top

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 622

You deserved it 6 035

Today, I passed a kidney stone. This is the third one in two years. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 826

You deserved it 5 481

Today, because the policy "no shirt, no shoes, no service" doesn't mention pants, my friends got the hilarious idea to walk into a store with no pants on. I tried to be reasonable and say they would get arrested, but they called me a "chicken" and did it anyway. Take a wild guess what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 210

Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 528

You deserved it 3 162

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 815

You deserved it 21 265

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 253

You deserved it 5 140

Same thing different taste

Still the same

Stacy's Mom

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