Animals: Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool....

By Urinator - 16/09/2015 18:26 - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 1 915

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Same thing different taste

By kittydead - 29/01/2009 01:05 - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 935

You deserved it 37 310

Bad boy

By Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 87

By marymark - 13/04/2012 01:02 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 121

You deserved it 39 003

What happened?

By nayahbear24 - 27/08/2014 22:52 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 209

You deserved it 3 925

What happened here?

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 011

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 706

You deserved it 2 203

By jf29 - 31/01/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 46 788

Dusty Springboard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 7 935

This means war

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 148

By jrad - 08/09/2010 19:23 - United States

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 836

You deserved it 3 553

dezman2000 21

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to

AyeJay101 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:29

I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?

Comments

dezman2000 21

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to

igive 29

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:48

That's a step above blaming a fart on the dog.

brownapple 22

Thursday 17 September 2015 13:10

catastrophic nervousness

Sansa_fml 38

Thursday 17 September 2015 13:47

yeah being lazy is one thing, but peeing on the floor is just weird and nasty.

TommyG493 11

Thursday 17 September 2015 15:31

rub her nose in it

bobslawnservice 16

Thursday 17 September 2015 15:58

Kinky.

DerrickJames 33

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

larrena2377 26

Thursday 17 September 2015 10:18

Obviously the dog.

wanted_2_want 40

Friday 18 September 2015 5:39

This time was the "bitch"

margehh 10

Friday 18 September 2015 5:41

Well the title is "urinator" so I'm guessing she peed on his floor

Nathan_Henry 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

Well that must have been awkward

Kibblesnbitsss 10

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP!

CynicallyAlive 13

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MyGFisaturd 23

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

leogachi 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:35

@6 It was his carpet, not his bed.

Exvolmag 6

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:36

Maybe if you actuallt read the FML you would see that he said it was Rug she pissed on, not the bed.

Aedan888 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 11:32

It wasn't a bed it was a rug.

LiteralxShit 15

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:24

She got wet for you?

AyeJay101 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:29

I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?

FalloutScrolls 25

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:32

I'd just be like "Get out, or I will throw you out." What the flying ****!?

ryannmichael 17

Thursday 17 September 2015 7:35

Put her on a leash & call her your new dog

bdsmslave 18

Thursday 17 September 2015 9:08

This comment excites me on so many levels...

Chicagoillinois 18

Thursday 17 September 2015 16:44

Dirty xD both of you. I like it

Xeebar 28

Sunday 20 September 2015 6:12

Seeing this comment had my mind rewording it to "Put her on a leash & collar your new dog."

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 3 976

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 071

The Top

Today, I was working as a waitress at this pub. It was dead. After 4 hours I had only made 5$ in tips. A friendly couple came in and complimented EVERYTHING down to the freshness of the lemons in their tea. The bill came to $50. They left me a $5 gift card to starbucks. I don't drink coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 648

You deserved it 7 656

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 124

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received doesn't actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing my balance and slamming my injured toe into objects, and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 350

You deserved it 4 728

Today, you’re required to have health insurance in my country. I have no income, I spend more on insurance than on food, yet most of the treatments that actually help me are not covered by the insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 104

Today, I had a conversation with a girl on Tinder, for the third time this month. Just like the other two girls, she turned out to be a prostitute. Only prostitutes will give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 198

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 8 946

Same thing different taste

Bad boy

What happened?

What happened here?

Dusty Springboard

This means war

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