Miscellaneous: Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he...

FML for mobile
Free

By tsukinoie - 02/02/2014 06:33 - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 639

You deserved it 6 871

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hello, is me you're looking for?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 07:24 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 154

You deserved it 3 164

By Evalynne - 06/04/2013 12:55 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 835

You deserved it 21 869

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 659

You deserved it 4 167

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:23 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 800

You deserved it 17 572

By heart of cold - 11/01/2016 09:12 - United States

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 2 050

By ohtheirony - 22/09/2014 01:27

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 2 791

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 646

You deserved it 23 406

By Sally - 31/10/2018 22:00 - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 830

You deserved it 1 329

By eric4 - 23/05/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 460

You deserved it 4 365

By Username - 23/01/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 268

You deserved it 2 615

Nolimit2217 32

Sunday 2 February 2014 16:23

Is your friend Charlie Sheen?!

myusername83 10

Sunday 2 February 2014 16:23

Well at least you get to spend quality time with him still...with hookers

Comments

leary96 15

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:19

Hookers and blow fall under bro code.

SuckMeBeautifu1 24

Sunday 2 February 2014 22:13

What would you know about blow

Enslaved 36

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:30

Wow! He got a hooker faster than I can get my pizza delivered?

SuckMeBeautifu1 24

Sunday 2 February 2014 22:15

The one thats Indian usually comes slower.

brandoneyez1 25

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:44

Is he paying for you too?

weveallbeenthere 30

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:46

kick his ass out.

turtlescott163 11

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:46

Why didn't you say "no hookers"?

marrymarz 13

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:53

wow.！ I can hardly believe it

SuckMeBeautifu1 24

Sunday 2 February 2014 22:16

Wow!

HeyTherexxx 21

Sunday 2 February 2014 17:54

You can order hookers like you order pizza? Well, with the exception that the 'pizza' is nasty.

TXFernwoods 26

Sunday 2 February 2014 18:00

I hope he used protection(:

Ben009 13

Sunday 2 February 2014 18:21

Join in or kick them out

ksks1234 33

Sunday 2 February 2014 18:36

He can afford hookers, but he cannot afford another place, or at the very least, a motel room?

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Family Money Games Argument Love Annoying Work Coworkers Gross Smells Health Video games Gamers Pregnancy Embarrassing Introverts Mental health Miscellaneous Cats Animals Geek Awkward Alcohol Birthday Healthy Lifestyle Politics Parents Weird Teenagers Relatable

The Top

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 375

You deserved it 7 351

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 300

You deserved it 10 386

The Top

Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 860

You deserved it 3 324

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 270

You deserved it 66 618

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 815

You deserved it 3 295

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 6 552

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 025

You deserved it 1 800

Today, my son told me that some kids had been picking on him at school. When I asked him to elaborate, he said that kids sometimes didn't say "Hi" back when he greeted them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 873

You deserved it 598

Same thing different taste

Hello, is me you're looking for?

Top comments

Comments