Health: Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn...

By Ralph - 04/04/2012 03:02 - United States - Candler

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 13 326

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Same thing different taste

Hypocrisy

By Anonymous - 02/05/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 212

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 3 259

By merrymary - 07/01/2012 11:11 - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 6 053

Biohazard

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I have to spray the kitchen whenever my new roommate cooks. Not only can he not cook, but what he usually makes is some godawful concoction of ramen noodles, canned tuna, Tuna Helper, and Ranch dressing for himself. The stink alone is enough to make me choke, but he smokes the entire time he makes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 106

Confused

By Nathanael Johnson - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 213

Do it yourself, then

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 20:00

Today, my roommate said that whoever was doing the dishes was doing it wrong. I've been doing the dishes for weeks. So much for being a clean roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 145

Shit tastes better when you're in love

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to be the asshole who finally told one of our friends that his wife can't cook. This was after she tried to make fajitas using a third-rate premade sauce and processed ham, burned it, and stank up the entire house. He seemed shocked when we all agreed; he thought it was good. We all facepalmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 141

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 545

By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 151

You deserved it 5 320

Kitchen nightmare

By not chicken spaghetti - 18/12/2016 23:58 - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned Teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Ro-Tel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 826

You deserved it 688

alpaquette91 9

Wednesday 4 April 2012 9:03

Did you know, a temp of 165 or higher is best for poultry... Oh and cook for your self he isn't your mother.

AugustBurnsToast 14

Wednesday 4 April 2012 9:05

I bet they also tell you that it's okay to eat mushrooms from your backyard.

Comments

GeorgiaBea 28

Friday 18 December 2015 23:17

Why would you eat undercooked poultry? That is completely your fault.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Saturday 31 March 2018 20:16

You must be an idiot yourself if you weren't aware that chicken has to be fully cooked before you can eat it.

shannon2348 14

Saturday 21 December 2019 7:01

Well if you were dumb enough to eat it then ydi.

Keywords

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