Work: Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 3 743

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 977

You deserved it 3 990

By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 236

You deserved it 740

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 840

You deserved it 2 137

Drive-by casualty

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 038

You deserved it 2 726

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 369

You deserved it 3 460

Close shave

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 02:00 - United States - Bisbee

Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 454

By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 898

You deserved it 3 339

By phlyingphuck - 19/07/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 607

You deserved it 4 644

Not a sponsored post

By nutfreak - 12/08/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 622

You deserved it 3 637

Sorry, but it's a no

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 15:01 - Australia - The Oaks

Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 104

marinus_fml 19

Tuesday 26 April 2011 15:57

Why the **** did you apply there then?

tcox1 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 16:30

They are legumes, not nuts. Try looking it up before you act so sure of yourself. Just because it has nut in the word does not make it a nut. i.e a starfish is not a fish.

Comments

im_awsome 2

Tuesday 26 April 2011 17:28

thanks god im not allergic to nuts

WankersCramp 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 17:36

peanuts are legumes. are you allergic to those.

SnailJamsss 6

Tuesday 26 April 2011 17:51

Hahaha. Who does that?

fona_bqueen 7

Tuesday 26 April 2011 18:16

You sound like my brother but why on earth did you apply for that job... wish you the best anyway!

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:18

He might not have applied for the job. Temp agencies and such will "suggest" whatever jobs they think you are qualified for. It's possible that the OP applied with an agency and the only job they could find him was this one.

j_cat187 19

Tuesday 26 April 2011 18:25

ill take it but i live 2,000 miles away

Bcfrmkc816 17

Tuesday 26 April 2011 18:59

u don't have to eat them dummy

Zombie65 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:12

yea what #1 said

RunAwayAndCry 3

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:16

Peanuts aren't technically nuts.

Mjcino 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 20:04

1, peanuts are legumes, not nuts. 2, some people are so allergic to peanuts that you can't even talk to them right after eating peanuts or their throats get itchy and start to swell. Then there're the peanut oils likely coating most surfaces...