Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being...

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 434

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 847

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 2 977

By good_gravy - 20/02/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 219

You deserved it 3 631

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 743

You deserved it 6 397

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 11 816

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 174

You deserved it 2 775

Stuck

By notmansbestfriend - 12/08/2013 16:09 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 274

You deserved it 7 852

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 3 371

julfunky 29

Monday 29 July 2019 1:48

Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.

blondie45 21

Monday 29 July 2019 1:08

Why are you having dinner at 2am?

Comments

blondie45 21

Monday 29 July 2019 1:08

Why are you having dinner at 2am?

toodamntall 9

Monday 29 July 2019 2:11

OP could be a shift worker, they might have just gotten back from an event that ran late, they could be a night owl, or maybe just just forgot to have it earlier. I used to work from 3pm to midnight and wouldn't get home until 1am in the morning, so I regularly had dinner between 1 and 2 am

julfunky 29

Monday 29 July 2019 1:48

Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.

Sam Siggers 8

Monday 29 July 2019 21:00

agreed too many times have i been lazy and my dog has eaten my diiner after stepping out of my room for like 2 mins

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 29 July 2019 3:21

I'll avoid the miserable route, and say YDI for not taking 5 seconds to put it out of his reach.

BigSissy 14

Tuesday 30 July 2019 1:47

Sometimes when nature calls, you don’t have five seconds. Just saying.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 31 July 2019 0:08

There's always time to save the precious, pal, even if it comes at such a high risk.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 29 July 2019 4:34

If it’s the fine fare you’re accustomed to, your dog will get the ***** before dawn.

Mungolikecandy 19

Monday 29 July 2019 7:00

That is more an inconvenience than "no feeling quite as painful". You must have led a very sheltered life if you really believe that.

Mathalamus 24

Monday 29 July 2019 7:16

Close. The. Door. You deserved that for being an idiot around pets.

Sady_Ct 37

Monday 29 July 2019 9:28

Teach it not to touch feed even left un attended. My 7 yr old dog and my 9month old pup both leave the room if there is someone eating, and they don’t sneak human food. And no I didn’t have to abuse them to teach them this. It just took time, effort and patience.