Miscellaneous: Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh,...

By Anonymous - 20/05/2013 15:56 - United States

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 203

You deserved it 3 376

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Sprinkles - 04/02/2015 07:44 - Australia

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 729

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 13:38 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 2 244

By MyS3lf - 19/04/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 127

You deserved it 3 331

By PeepShow - 06/08/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 276

You deserved it 47 094

HUMAN! I NEED ATTENTION!

By Mur - 09/09/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 132

Dangleberries

By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 171

By catlady - 01/03/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 637

You deserved it 9 068

Purr Evil

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Alachua

Today, I was awakened at 5:30 a.m. Did my dog need to go out? No. Did my alarm go off? No. My neighbor's asshole cat was on my window AC, scratching at my window, before pissing on the AC and jumping off. If I turn it on, my bedroom will reek of cat piss. The high today will be near 90. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 91

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 230

By disturbedtosaytheleast - 27/01/2012 11:19 - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 999

You deserved it 2 680

japtap81 16

Monday 20 May 2013 19:17

I don't think I'd want to know

Welshite 39

Monday 20 May 2013 19:17

I think in this instance ignorance is indeed bliss.

Comments

cinderburner23 5

Monday 20 May 2013 19:16

First

japtap81 16

Monday 20 May 2013 19:17

I don't think I'd want to know

golden_warrior 23

Monday 20 May 2013 20:31

To be honest, the dude seems pretty lonely and sad. He should go to those elderly bingo nights and try his luck with the grannies there.

ShyAnn29 14

Monday 20 May 2013 22:21

Maybe his girlfriends name is Kat, and he calls her Kitty.

then000bster 16

Monday 20 May 2013 22:23

My guess would be he is really into those cat videos, I mean what else is the Internet for? Or it could just be Japanese Kitty Cosplay ****

murdaloco 7

Monday 20 May 2013 23:11

hey

ilovedinosawers 17

Monday 20 May 2013 23:54

Obviously he's watching cat ****, while having his grandchildren give him a bath in his undies, (so as not to completely scar them.)

mrkhan17 8

Tuesday 21 May 2013 3:38

Sounds like that scene from That 70's Show when Eric walks in on Red and Kitty havin sex lol.

epicRawrz 16

Monday 20 May 2013 19:17

So many thoughts going through my head...

perdix 29

Monday 20 May 2013 21:06

#3, care to share one here? That is the point of this site. If your comment is too embarrassing, you can always protect your anonymity by wearing sunglasses ;)

LeFrogDog 27

Monday 20 May 2013 21:22

anyone else have the song "let's get it on" in their head?

sigurd 11

Monday 20 May 2013 23:18

#46, Or by wearing a balloon on their head

speshlk37 13

Tuesday 21 May 2013 5:02

Perhaps masturbating to old X-Men comics?

slappygecko 21

Saturday 31 August 2013 16:45

Oh kitty, my kitty, what a wonderful kitty you are.

Welshite 39

Monday 20 May 2013 19:17

I think in this instance ignorance is indeed bliss.

zandalee 19

Tuesday 21 May 2013 6:57

I'm actually worried about OP here. Why the hell are they always watching their elderly neighbor? Doesn't sound like OP gets out much... Sounds to me like the old guy has a more exciting life with his 'kitty' than OP...

vocaloidtiger 12

Tuesday 21 May 2013 8:16

It's kinda hard to ignore your elderly neighbor's incessant yelling.

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

Monday 20 May 2013 19:18

He must have been petting the cat so lusciously that the cats claws came out of its paws and started scratching him.

Welshite 39

Monday 20 May 2013 19:26

#6: You frighten me.

Daschundman 17

Monday 20 May 2013 19:43

Then how did his underwear get wet in this situati-... Scratch that, I don't want to know.

AkiChan_fml 7

Thursday 30 May 2013 4:51

That doesn't make your underwear wet though.......

xxGheTToGumbYxx 16

Monday 20 May 2013 19:18

I imagined him saying "kitty" in Eric Cartmans voice.

Epikouros 31

Monday 20 May 2013 20:16

Don't you mean Eric Forman?

xxGheTToGumbYxx 16

Monday 20 May 2013 20:21

No.

adam3650 12

Monday 20 May 2013 21:21

I'm getting Consuela's voice in my head.

IworkAt711 14

Monday 20 May 2013 21:40

Eric Foremans mom is named Kitty so that would just be ****** up.

midwestgirl89 13

Tuesday 21 May 2013 1:01

More lemon pledge!

flockz 19

Monday 20 May 2013 19:18

sounds like he's making a pop music video.

perdix 29

Monday 20 May 2013 19:19

He's looking for pussy. You should lock your doors and stay inside. Someone probably sold the dirty, old bastard a fake Rohypnol plant, so he can give home-grown roofies to whomever answers his caterwauling calls.