Love: Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year,...

By agony - 17/12/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 057

You deserved it 5 889

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 01:30

Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 1 217

Here comes the flood

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Gurnee

Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 478

You deserved it 1 972

Sofa King

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 15:00

Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 050

Live from Salt Lake City

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 20:02

Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 3 372

By broke - 22/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 437

You deserved it 341

By jillie minaj - 09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 099

You deserved it 61 258

Life decisions

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 05:05

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 426

Masking off

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, I moved in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I now pay 100% of the bills and can't leave because I can't save to replace my stolen/totaled car. I also can't drop my mask at home because 33 is apparently to old to be autistic, and I'm so tired and burnt out. I'm also not allowed to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 127

So close

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 06:00

Today, not only did my ex-wife take everything in our divorce, my most recent lottery ticket was off by only one number, I would have won millions and she wouldn’t have been entitled to a penny. Oh well, back to sleeping in my caravan, which is all I have left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 147

We're in hell

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 16:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after leaving my abusive partner, I checked into a hotel through a crisis service. Since then, I've been asked to have sex for $20, and also yelled at for not driving a woman to a shopping centre, which is a 5-minute walk away. I don't drive and have been here for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 94

Feedmyaddiction5 14

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:28

That sucks! You should just go crazy and accuse her of sleeping with every guy in the state

every1luvsboners 11

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:36

So just drive around masturbating furiously until you get arrested. At least then you'll get 3 meals and a man to snuggle with.

Comments

thejedi08 10

Sunday 18 December 2011 9:57

you sure its not because your daughter's first words were "****"

fj19 9

Sunday 18 December 2011 12:33

It's cheaper to keep her. :P

MrLoux 6

Sunday 18 December 2011 16:57

You are a man. Break the door down, walk into YOUR room, climb in YOUR bed, and tell her that she can sleep outside if she wants. PERIOD.

livelobster123 14

Thursday 22 December 2011 1:31

Stop being so sexist. I'm a dude too, but just because I have a dick and facial hair and smelly armpits, doesn't mean I'm the "dominant sex" or whatever.

TallMist 32

Sunday 10 May 2015 4:52

That's not at all what they said. They're just saying that OP lives in that house too and can sleep in it if he damn wants. His name is on the contract/lease/whatever and he's likely helping pay the bills. He's right. If the woman doesn't wanna sleep with him, but he wants to sleep on the bed, she has to deal with it. She has no right to kick him out of his own house anymore than he can to her.

spazomatic 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 18:59

dude im sorry u know why divorce costs so much? cuz it's worth every dime

Timja83 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 21:10

Can't afford a divorce? Aren't they only like $250 these days? I'd rather go into debt and be happily divorced than be married to a phyco..

tyler2thextream 3

Sunday 18 December 2011 21:56

What does umpteenth mean?

AmbrosiaWriter 17

Monday 19 December 2011 6:43

It means that it has happened so many times that the person lost count or that it has happened a lot and will probably happen again. Also, google is good if you are confused on definitions of words.

kubleeka 0

Monday 19 December 2011 4:20

Emvarassed of what? Just ask a friend.

HerHotness 5

Monday 19 December 2011 4:43

Go have sex with someone else. At least that way you have somewhere to sleep.

AmbrosiaWriter 17

Monday 19 December 2011 6:45

Unless she's the one paying the bills on the house. Then it would be HER house and HER bed. Just because he's the man doesn't mean he's the one who owns everything. We are not longer in the age where marriage immediately transfers all ownership to the man. PERIOD. Edit: That was in response to #178.