Miscellaneous: Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of...

By jillie minaj - 09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 099

You deserved it 61 258

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Same thing different taste

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 45 709

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 387

You deserved it 9 061

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 109

You deserved it 10 266

Gotcha

By Pissed - 28/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 87

By bellaskyeb - 08/01/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 274

You deserved it 4 252

The nerve of some people

By Inga44 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 121

You deserved it 3 775

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 06:00

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 364

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 07:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 3 280

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:23 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 782

You deserved it 17 569

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 21:14 - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 497

You deserved it 3 387

speshlk37 13

Tuesday 10 July 2012 0:56

Alright, let's go ahead and get you right out of society. There we go.

Irishgypsy 2

Tuesday 10 July 2012 0:50

Pack your toothbrush and say your good byes

Comments

Mauskau 35

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:04

YDI just for being on parole. ******* sort yourself out.

Faff 20

Tuesday 10 July 2012 18:14

she definitely deserved it yeah, But just for being on parole? that's bullshit.

downtime 12

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:55

I think they mean for violating parole. This was an opportunity to prove themselves to have learnt from the experience and show they can assimilate with society again, and rather than being thankful for this opportunity they're going out getting wasted and doing stupid shit.

medichick 5

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:08

You're an idiot. Might as well get your jumpsuit ready

Briiyahh 7

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:11

Keep comments to ya self

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:14

I think there's something wrong with FML. After reading this very carefully, all I saw was "I was a big dumbass before, then I did something even stupider, and then I was a complete idiot because I have the IQ of a newt." Maybe I misread it.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 10 July 2012 5:12

Did someone get something stuck in their foot--in your picture?

Madrias 36

Tuesday 10 July 2012 8:22

I think the newt would have a higher IQ than OP. I'm thinking a turnip has more IQ points than the OP, though.

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 10 July 2012 17:10

SqueakyChipmunk - Yes. :)

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 10 July 2012 21:51

Huzzah! I am correct! What'd they step on?

XxQueenofPuppets 10

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:19

You had better hope your attorney doesn't drop you, ass...

jwbfml 11

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:23

Idiot. Better pack some soap on a rope.

CastielJ 6

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:53

I won't kick you when your down. My word of advice, get your life together.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Tuesday 10 July 2012 2:55

I suggest you get the words "POOR IMPULSE CONTROL" tattooed on your forehead, in mirror writing, to remind yourself of just exactly what your problem is.