Miscellaneous: Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 129

You deserved it 4 763

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By gassygirlfriend - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 5 275

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 218

You deserved it 3 833

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 586

You deserved it 4 710

By Jimseagoon - 03/09/2018 20:30

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 851

You deserved it 443

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 7 743

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 050

You deserved it 3 908

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 1 618

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 171

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 529

Next

Top comments

ThatTennisKid14 13

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:04

That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level

BreM16 23

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:07

Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead

Comments

gearhead369 20

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:42

Omg I just laughed so hard!! That's shitty for you but hilarious for all of us

StickyPickles 33

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:47

I really hope no fire sauce was involved. .

TheShreJ 2

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:52

Well that's shit

pantsman66 20

Thursday 4 June 2015 0:55

Really gross.... I've laughted so hard I nearly shat my pants

maemismile 22

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:02

Rough buddy. That's a shitty situation.

imhidden 16

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:05

Taco Bell = Toxic Hell

WOTAN1488 24

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:07

That is just beyond horrible and embarrassing. Just god awful. At least you survived man.

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:21

That's why it should be called taco hell...maybe you are better off not eating first

Suaria 38

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:24

At least it didn't end up on your clothes.

KaylaTackett 18

Thursday 4 June 2015 1:31

Poor thing. That must have been really embarrassing for her. :/

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The Top

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me that they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 7 511

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 1 196

The Top

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 364

You deserved it 5 149

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 855

You deserved it 5 549

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 716

You deserved it 3 514

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 995

You deserved it 34 935

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 427

You deserved it 4 849

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 694

You deserved it 2 449