Miscellaneous: Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has...

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 5 484

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Same thing different taste

By sayroshi - 30/06/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 407

You deserved it 1 334

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 895

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 705

You deserved it 4 160

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 875

You deserved it 20 257

By Tp - 30/06/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 892

You deserved it 28 912

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 3 859

By good-samaritan-fail - 06/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 9 444

By Anonymous - 27/08/2018 18:30 - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 3 241

Wet leg

By meep - 16/03/2017 00:00

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 839

You deserved it 446

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 404

wildcats909 9

Tuesday 18 March 2014 8:08

If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants

bjhhjh 20

Tuesday 18 March 2014 8:02

Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!

Comments

emilyyy_maryyy 14

Tuesday 18 March 2014 22:50

Gosh, this was one of the reasons I gave up on the trumpet in seventh grade. Something about spit being drained on my shoes just turned me off..

bluefrootloops 13

Tuesday 18 March 2014 23:44

Could be worse.

rybaby23 8

Tuesday 18 March 2014 23:52

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis! If you know that quote, your amazing and I love you. Sorry about the pants though OP!

MegaError101 10

Wednesday 19 March 2014 0:35

French horn? I know your pain ;_;

obxkaylee 4

Wednesday 19 March 2014 1:35

Ooh! What town's parade?

frede120897 15

Wednesday 19 March 2014 2:34

Maybe people thought you were just a bit to horny...

Bandking 12

Wednesday 19 March 2014 4:03

Hey this is bandking. I play Bari sax, and I live in Cleveland... ._.

Shade1982 20

Wednesday 19 March 2014 10:47

It took me a moment to figure out op was talking about a musical instrument. The comment looks very differently if you don't know that...

AppleBirthday 7

Thursday 20 March 2014 6:03

The things we go through for band. I feel you my friend.

okometve 5

Thursday 20 March 2014 16:36

I marched In the st.Patricks day parade too.

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The Top

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 215

You deserved it 7 320

Today, I decided to snack on some M&M's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my M&M's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the M&M off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an M&M. It was a dead beetle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 903

You deserved it 60 091

The Top

Today, after an emergency doctor told me to go to the pharmacy to get Zantac for possible stomach ulcers, I was told by the pharmacist that it was actually recalled a year ago. I had to pay almost double the price for another antacid. Thanks a lot for knowing your stuff, ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 198

Today, I was upset with my girlfriend, but I didn't want to start an argument with her, so I didn't reply to her message immediately. She asked me what happened. I hesitated but explained nonetheless. She remained silent for almost an hour before replying she's busy at work, so she can't reply. Then why did she even bother to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 240

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 657

You deserved it 15 921

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 429

You deserved it 4 837

Today, while we were at a museum I like, my wife told me she was “in the mood” so we quickly drove home, where she suddenly “wasn’t in the mood anymore.” I get the feeling she was bored with the museum, and lied to me to come home earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 241

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 464

Same thing different taste

Leaked

Wet leg

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