Miscellaneous: Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly.... - FML

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 12 625

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Same thing different taste

Misleading

By KL. - 05/06/2009 19:46 - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 505

You deserved it 5 016

Peter and Pan

By dudeWTF - 03/07/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:36 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 452

You deserved it 5 190

By THOMASisMYname - 06/07/2011 17:06 - Canada

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 859

You deserved it 4 614

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 577

You deserved it 69 630

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 616

You deserved it 7 451

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 12 794

Debate bros

By bitchasshonky - 11/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his roommate. It's been 45 minutes and it's still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 014

You deserved it 5 567

By 3some? uh, no - 01/02/2013 19:59 - Dominican Republic

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 249

You deserved it 33 146

Disappointed

By Lonelyhopeful - 05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 999

Next

Top comments

SkoomaKi 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 16:20

Unlucky OP, but quite creative on his part.

the_true_batman 10

Sunday 22 April 2012 16:20

Seducingly? I think you mean seductively. And you totally deserved it.

Comments

Weezay 5

Monday 23 April 2012 3:51

Denied...

KenP 0

Monday 23 April 2012 3:56

Damn that's ****** up

dunmiff 4

Monday 23 April 2012 5:08

Hahaha *breathes in* Hahahaha.

luohar 6

Monday 23 April 2012 5:10

Like a boss.

bubbleslovescats 1

Monday 23 April 2012 5:21

You gotta admit though. You deserve it.

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 23 April 2012 6:27

You deserved it. Have an ounce of class.

mpclaw 3

Monday 23 April 2012 8:28

You seem kinda cheap to me.

braheem 5

Monday 23 April 2012 8:55

hahaha so deseprate!

mfayem 15

Monday 23 April 2012 9:05

This is why I get to know a guy before having sex with him. some guys are ass holes. YDI

Knash 3

Monday 23 April 2012 9:24

Aww. Well, at least you tried and got something funny to share on fml.

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Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 536

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 253

You deserved it 8 948

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 201

You deserved it 1 701

Today, I’m going to a audition and my partner is scared that I’ll never come back, and is not supportive of me. Seriously, why did he come back just so he could be so depressed and then not support me at all? FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 229

Today, after working out at the gym, I accidentally left my towel in my locker. Since it was early, I didn't mind walking to the showers naked. After showering, I couldn't get my lock to open, leaving me stuck trying to open the locker totally naked, as the locker room filled up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 048

You deserved it 3 348

So, can you figure out what happens next?

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 195

Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 152