What does this have to do with being American?

26, it's bc they just legalized it here. There have been jokes about how people said they would marry someone when they could thinking it would be a long time before it was legal. Now that it's here, lots of those people are having to find other excuses.

Where I live it's been legalised since 2006..and America just legalised it. So now Americans can't say they won't get married to someone because gay marriage isn't legal yet. They used it as an excuse not to get married to someone. We can't use that excuse here.

What did the OP do that was "pressuring her?" Asking a (I'm assuming a long term) partner about marriage is a reasonable request, you blowhard.

16 - um no where does it sound like op was pressuring her to marry him, he asked a simple ****** question.

Jeez you people really need to chill out, the FML clearly says 'once again' asked to marry. Hence multiple times. You should always talk about marriage with your partner before asking them, not hope they give over after a while.

yeah, once again which could mean the second time the OP asked after a reasonable amount of time, moron.

Um, it says 'once again' because OP asked ONCE before (not multiple times) and the girlfriend said they could get married once gay marriage was legal (that was them having a conversation about it, by the way). It's now legal, so obviously OP is going to bring it up again now that the one condition has been met, because OP is quite reasonably assuming that the girlfriend will now want to get married as she had previously said she would. That's not pressuring, genius. In fact, the entire FML is pretty much the exact opposite of everything you seem to think... Did you even read it?

Yes because neither of us are making assumptions from the limited information given in the FML, you are no surer it was twice than I am sure it was more. There is this thing called being open minded, you know, looking at things from both perspectives. Although, by the manner in which you speak to people you don't know, it seems pretty clear you do not even consider how something how my appear to others. Did you even consider the possible mindset of OP's partner? No, don't fight for a side you don't even belong to, you don't know either party ffs, so passionate about facts when you can't tell what's true and what's a lie.

Doesn't matter if it was twice or 100 times. She lied about her interest in the marriage in the first place, OP pressuring her would only stem from her own lack of spine to tell him she didn't want to get married.

Then why are you arguing a stance, hypocrite? There's a difference between being open-minded and then making shit up which is what you've done.

I thought you already dumped her after what happened...??

Hope your luck turns around now. :) You'll find someone better

Good for you.

how did she take it?

wow, so you love her, but then you dump her because she doesn't want to get married? that doesn't make any sense to me...

42 - OPs ex obviously doesn't want to marry him and has been stringing him along and he has decided he doesn't want to put himself through that anymore. Good for you OP!

42, it's not because she doesn't want to get married. It's because she said she wants to get married after gay marriage was legal, but now it is and she still said no.

She most likely can not see a future with him and is therefore just wasting his time. She doesn't want to marry him because that means he's not permanent for her. So yeah, he dumped. He should be with someone who actually wants to be with him for the rest of their lives.

Because you can't be with someone "till the end of our lives" without being married? o_O

I agree with your sentiment, 53, in that I see marriage as having far more detriments than benefits and would never got married myself. Still, OP obviously values the institution, and his girlfriend obviously does not. Incompatible goals do not a good long-term relationship make.

44, maybe she was "stringing him along," but I actually doubt it. Some of us just don't see a point to getting married. That doesn't mean we're any less capable of loyalty and commitment for a whole lifetime, it just means we don't put much stock in the institution for whatever reason.

#55 what detriments are there that make the legal union of you and the one you love not worth it? I can't think of any. I know for some people marriage is no big deal and it's "a piece of paper," but there's a lot more to marriage than that.

#55 yeah, incompatible goals, maybe. but I still don't get why someone would end a great relationship, that's going well (I'm assuming it did go well because after all OP did want to get married) just because your partner doesn't want to get married. you have found the perfect partner, you have a great time together and now I'm supposed to throw all that away because I'm missing some abstract ritual and a piece of paper?

#56, she was stringing him along. If she didn't want to get married because she doesn't believe in the institution, then she should have come right out and said that instead of, "when gay marriage is legal." That gives false hope to OP.

Good for you, you deserve better

When people are married taxes and a lot of other things are dealt with differently in the governments eyes....if she didn't want to get married say so, don't lie and say after some condition is filled then change your mind...

Bearing in mind that, legally speaking, there is no romantic aspect to marriage...58, it is more than just a piece of paper to me...it's also a binding contract with exorbitant early termination fees. There are also the costs and time of getting married (even though you can get married for free here, you still have to go down to the DMV, which is not pleasant). There are also some weird laws on the books about division and ownership of property, which might not matter to a lot of people, but does matter to me. You can also wind up on the line for any debts your partner accrues, even after you get divorced. As to the benefits that you can get from marriage but not from simply making a private agreement to love and support your partner? Uhhhhhh...tax credits, I guess? And maybe it comes in handy if you're planning to have kids. I still get a pretty nice return each year without having the demands of deeply tangled legal ties, though. I just don't see how throwing lawyers and the government into the mix makes a commitment any more solid. It just seems to me to be the equivalent of holding a gun to your partner's head and saying, "If you leave me now, you'll be broke!"

69, to judge by the reaction of commenters here, I kinda can't blame OP's ex for not wanting to come right out and say that she believes in love/commitment/etc. but not marriage. It sure seems like a binary to a lot of people--either you're getting married someday, or your relationship is worthless. Yes, she should have been more upfront, but wanting to be with someone without that all-important piece of paper is still a pretty unpopular point of view in the US.

To be fair, she may just have commitment issues. Maybe she thought she'd have more time to get used to the idea. Not to make any assumptions about OP, but if he wanted to marry her, that meant he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and it sounds like he dumped her without maybe trying a little patience or stepping back to wonder what was going on with her. OP, did you have a conversation with her about why she doesn't want to get married? She may not have just been "stringing him along"; she may have a legitimate fear or something deeper going on. "Consider her dumped" sounded a bit callous. Although I know you must've felt hurt by her as well and this is just your reaction to it...sorry OP.

#56 You've made it clear that you don't believe in marriage. However, I think it's also been made very clear that some people still do. OP and his girlfriend have very different ideas when it comes to long term relationships. If he wants to get married, that's fine. He should go get married, but first he has to find someone that will marry him. If she's content to just date, then she should find someone with that same plan in mind.

How do you go from lets get married to its over. Maybe she needs more time. She probably didn't think gay marriage would pass as soon as it did. A person shouldn't get married just because they can. She should wait til she's ready

#104 I think if she had told OP 'sorry, I'm not ready yet' from the start, it would have saved everybody a lot of stress. It sounds as if though, she just doesn't want to get married (all the FML says is that she simply refused) and used an excuse which she now can't hold up. I couldn't care less if people want to get married, want to stay unmarried and just date, want to be in committed de facto relationships, or what the **** ever so long as the cards are on the table, nobody is forced or pressured to do anything and everyone's happy. OP's now-ex couldn't have NOT known he was looking for marriage - he obviousy asked her about it at least once before, and she could and should have discussed honestly her stance on it rather than saying 'not until gay marriage is legal' - I assume she had plenty of time to unless OP initially proposed to her two weeks ago or something. Either way, OP wants marriage, she does not -> this relationship will not work out. People have standards and boundaries, and if you want to get married (or if you don't) that's your right/decision/choice to make. Saying that OP should stick with the girl and sacrifice his want to get married because he had an otherwise-perfect relationship is just as wrong as suggesting the girl should marry OP and sacrifice her want to stay unmarried because this is an otherwise-perfect relationship she had been willing to commit to (if she had). I also don't really know why everyone's downvoting marcranger's comments - it's a perfectly logical viewpoint to have. Everyone's allowed to have their own values and opinions, and nothing he states is outright wrong, and he even stated earlier that he was well aware many people value marriage and that's fine, and this is just his opinion. Am I missing something?

Yay!

I could be wrong here, but I am thinking that it isn't just that OP wants to get married and his GF does not. It is also that the GF wasn't honest from the beginning. Instead of just saying that she wasn't ready or that she didn't feel like marriage was that big of a deal to her, she put him off by blaming it on gay marriage not being legal. If you can't be honest about such an important issue in your relationship then there is a problem. Good luck to you OP. I hope you find the love and happiness you are searching for.

Well she said once gay marriage was legalized she would so maybe she was just straining him along if she said she would and now won't.

Try, if it doesn't work out. You have to get a divorce. If you didn't sign prenups, you have to go to court over who gets what. If children are involved. That's several court sessions on who gets the kids the most. Lots of fighting. Not being able to walk away Scott free. Having to spend a massive amount of money on a ring, then on two wedding bands.. A wedding reception. Being tied down. Having to give up a lot of your life style because it doesn't work with the marriage. The divorce rate is much higher than the getting married and staying together till you die rate. So yes, there is a lot of detriments when it comes to getting married. Please actually think before you post. See both sides, not just 1.

108, I think the only thing you're missing is that I'm a woman. ;) But that's not clear from my profile, and my phone obstinately refuses to let me change it!

My apologies, milady. All the best to you and whatever form of committed/noncommitted relationship you find yourself in! :P

#45 You people would take that answer seriously? You actually would thought the person is serious when they would say "We will marry when homosexual people can"? It is definitely clear that by saying that she does not intend to marry (at least not in near future). Just an example: someone asks you out and you say "I would go if you were the last person on Earth". It's just a way of saying how strongly you feel against it and certainly someone with common sense won't believe that if you were the last person they would go out with you.

#42 I agree with you. You can have a committed and serious relationship without marriage. That piece of paper means nothing to me and I don't need a "contract" to stay with my partner. I find this as ridiculous as people who leave their partners because they want to marry but don't want religious marriage. The girl is lucky. She deserves better than someone who will throw away a good relationship for a piece of paper.

Because maybe the OP was being patient with the girl and allowing her the time the OP thought the girl needed.

It's never possible to be 100% sure of how someone else, even a significant other, feels about you.

Scroll up. OP did just leave her.