Kids: Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we...

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 4 492

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 716

You deserved it 3 982

They all look the same to me

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 574

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 469

You deserved it 4 546

True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 247

Call CPS

By lyss - 16/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Pottsville

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 380

You deserved it 49 890

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 950

You deserved it 3 278

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 424

You deserved it 2 622

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 654

You deserved it 3 132

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 427

You deserved it 10 379

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 107

You deserved it 1 874

donutboy 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:17

"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD

BLNovelist 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:11

Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o

Comments

BigRedMan 0

Friday 31 July 2009 1:30

Both are small I'm sure

tpt09 0

Friday 31 July 2009 7:22

YDI for owning a prius what are you gay? go buy a bentley or something they look good in the enviroment so it all works out!!

Unlucky_Gun 0

Friday 10 February 2012 3:44

Just because someone owns a type of car you don't like doesn't make them gay moron. If you can't make any sense or have any class, then don't insult people. In fact, just don't talk at all. Save yourself the embarrassment of making yourself look dumb. And don't tell OP to get a Bentley because I doubt you have one because you're probably too poor to afford one. I'm not a big fan of Priuses but I don't go bashing people that drive them about it because no one cares if you like their car, your opinion won't make them change. Plus, I'm pretty sure a Prius is better than your old Pontiac Grand Am A.K.A Pontiac Crapwagon

Shyman4ever 0

Friday 31 July 2009 7:41

So many kids FAIL these days

fiicere 5

Friday 31 July 2009 10:20

HAHAHAHA) That's hillarious. Look on the bright side, it'll be a great story to tell :)

Nightfallz 0

Friday 31 July 2009 11:46

ydi for the following prius in no way sounds like penis even if a kid says it. to fill you in your a queer.

baller789 0

Friday 31 July 2009 12:36

YDI for having children u fcking whorebag bitch ************

voodootrucker 0

Friday 31 July 2009 14:44

what kind of mpg are you getting on the new penis

perle_noire 0

Friday 31 July 2009 15:43

Well, someone's moody today. Anyways, this isn't really an FML, it's more like "my-daughter's-really-cute-and-can't-say-some-words-correctly".

simplyfucked 0

Friday 31 July 2009 16:50

its good at thrusting and has a nice stick shifter..

mrloferski 0

Friday 31 July 2009 23:03

too bad american cars suck dick. id never waste my money on one. doesnt mean i hate my country.

willothwisp 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 21:40

Real Americans vote and have differing opinions. Being an American does not mean blindly following anything that is American, be it a car company or a president.