Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it...

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 426

You deserved it 5 066

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Same thing different taste

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 9 587

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 19 621

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 491

You deserved it 450

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 12 099

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 1 703

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 964

You deserved it 7 260

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 3 345

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 658

You deserved it 7 400

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 237

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 228

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

Comments

Sxylilhalfpint 20

Monday 4 May 2015 1:34

stop eating out of the garbage.

CandyApple88 13

Monday 4 May 2015 1:47

keeping your ass minty fresh for your special friend?

captainsmegma 12

Monday 4 May 2015 1:49

Are you a magician working your way up to doves and rabbits?

HoboMeth 33

Monday 4 May 2015 2:25

this is an asstounding mystery

gintwinsmoore 20

Monday 4 May 2015 2:31

you must have a big adollardollar, OP.

MzZombicidal 36

Monday 4 May 2015 16:22

Weird way to say ass...

gintwinsmoore 20

Tuesday 5 May 2015 5:44

yeah I spelled it with two dollar signs and it actually came out like that. I guess the FML staff fixed it or something but when I looked around others spelled it normally and it came out fine. so, ass..I meant to write ass! lol

bsums203 13

Monday 4 May 2015 2:39

Must of swallowed it...

Soverain 15

Monday 4 May 2015 2:45

Reminds me of the time where my roommates cat somehow ate dental floss and she had to well...pull it out.

shemademedoit 20

Monday 4 May 2015 2:57

well....... I guess magicians can learn a few tricks from you. I just hope dental floss isn't made out of ass

rawr0720 10

Monday 4 May 2015 3:00

There are better ways to take care of dingleberries...

limegreenpoopie 31

Monday 4 May 2015 3:03

At least your butthole is minty fresh :3

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 14 748

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss, who said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 555

You deserved it 17 170

The Top

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 18 323

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 033

You deserved it 3 925

Today, while on a first date, we ran into a street performer dressed as a clown. I have a phobia of clowns, so I froze in place for a solid 30 seconds before moving away as fast as I could. She spent the rest of the date looking at me oddly, then afterwards said we weren’t going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 206

Today, I was on the street with my sister. We walked by a homeless guy, who asked me for food. I gave him the leftovers from a restaurant we were just at. He also asked me if he could, "bang my girlfriend." My sister is 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 87

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 016

You deserved it 44 878

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 405

You deserved it 6 095

Same thing different taste

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