Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it...

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 426

You deserved it 5 066

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Same thing different taste

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 9 587

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 19 621

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 491

You deserved it 450

By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 12 099

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 1 703

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 964

You deserved it 7 260

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 3 345

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 658

You deserved it 7 400

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 237

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 228

KatieKoala 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:19

It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

rieebee 23

Monday 4 May 2015 0:18

Sleep-eating? For that minty fresh ass...

Comments

martin8337 35

Monday 4 May 2015 0:25

Did you get drunk one night, then the next day woke up with your underwear on backwards and a dollar in your hand?

sunnyskys 25

Monday 4 May 2015 5:17

there is your support figure out the rest

sunnyskys 25

Monday 4 May 2015 16:55

sorry, I laughed about but that isn't how I really feel on the subject

thejokingguy13 12

Monday 4 May 2015 0:27

Look on the bright side, you won't have any cavities there

mistress_paz 30

Monday 4 May 2015 3:05

Anal cavity

Mynamewontfi 40

Monday 4 May 2015 7:11

#52 I like how your profilepicture fits the reply.

kaitlynjane 28

Monday 4 May 2015 11:47

Rude.

MzZombicidal 36

Monday 4 May 2015 16:20

Lol. How's it rude? Her profile picture is wonderful with her reply because she looks so proud of her goofy joke. You're kind of rude for assuming something more insulting, tbh.

Mynamewontfi 40

Monday 4 May 2015 20:10

#108 Thanks for saying that. That was actually what I meant, but I'm afraid it might've come out wrong.

edward80 18

Monday 4 May 2015 0:28

You should explain your flossify of how you keep your teeth clean !

Exaspera 54

Monday 4 May 2015 0:32

*groan*

BloodyBanana 6

Monday 4 May 2015 0:29

Is it now clean?

TheBelt 19

Monday 4 May 2015 0:33

Maybe one of those new thongs?

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 4 May 2015 0:43

I know it's mint flavored and all, but you really shouldn't be eating it OP.

150493x 29

Monday 4 May 2015 0:46

Did 9 out of 10 dentists recommend you floss your ass?

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 4 May 2015 5:05

no. unfortunately she listened to that damned 10th dentist. I think he's still doing time for... you know.

HappyItalian 38

Monday 4 May 2015 0:49

I don't think that's what they mean by "G-String" OP.

sunnyskys 25

Monday 4 May 2015 5:13

aaahhh, burn.

DaRito 25

Monday 4 May 2015 0:50

It means you swallowed a piece of floss.

xrudeboyrock 29

Monday 4 May 2015 5:26

pretty easily solved, you swallowed a piece while flossing! unless you don't floss... then you got me.

RickySleeves 20

Monday 4 May 2015 0:54

That must have been an ass-stounding discovery! I'll let myself out.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 83

Today, I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were three girls loudly discussing blowjob techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was, "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 370

You deserved it 29 702

The Top

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 330

Today, I delivered a bottle of alcohol to my crush, since I finished her bottle a few nights ago. Turns out, they'd caught my friend and I talking about giving her backshots on their Ring doorbell footage. She brought it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 651

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 2 937

Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 014

Today, I posted a simple question on a Facebook group about 2000s nostalgia, talking about missing the old stuff and how I don't like modern stuff, and people got annoyed over that. What the fuck did I do to you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 438

Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 947

Same thing different taste

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