Intimacy: Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'....

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 676

You deserved it 33 477

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Same thing different taste

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 588

recoils in horror

By Anonymous - 07/11/2017 06:00

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 728

You deserved it 877

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 7 359

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 36 219

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 00:01

Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 368

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 249

You deserved it 39 771

By Enanimus - 25/09/2015 18:45 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 2 999

Rash beard

By Rashbeard - 05/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:32 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 587

You deserved it 5 550

MaddogTotten 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 9:23

I would buy a shitton of that stuff.

jchansfan 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 9:54

You sir, are an idiot. lmao Haven't you ever watched Home Alone? lmao

Comments

joemeer 2

Wednesday 13 April 2011 3:18

it's a chode now

Leftieswillrule 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 6:27

Go bare you little pussy

music87 14

Wednesday 12 October 2011 10:39

...why didn't you just go get some more normal lotion first?? YDI

smallsmerry123 5

Wednesday 4 January 2012 4:36

Next try Icyhot.

xxbriangriffinxx_fml 2

Saturday 3 March 2012 7:15

I feel like there are plenty of other things you could've used.

ktm85xcnaf 0

Sunday 1 April 2012 5:39

Ivory soap is the best for (me time!!

wpolo02 7

Sunday 5 August 2012 9:49

What could possibly make you think that rubbing an alcohol based product on you special purpose is a good idea?!?!?! You totally deserve it!!

BigD3452 6

Tuesday 11 February 2014 20:48

Just be a man and dry dog it like every other broke ass mo fo haha

sigaweeds 7

Thursday 13 March 2014 21:32

Did ur junk swell up or just ur balls... If ur junk got bigger I dnt c the problem here

SooperDuke 8

Thursday 23 October 2014 7:41

Untrue story. Again.

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