Love: Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction... - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 17:38 - Ireland

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 170

You deserved it 23 573

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By oxbonxo - 07/02/2011 08:38 - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 598

You deserved it 6 163

By bloodshedblack - 21/02/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 484

You deserved it 4 395

By phonebaby - 18/11/2014 01:04 - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 7 660

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 759

You deserved it 5 901

By Jakeok - 14/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Fraser

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 410

You deserved it 7 637

Hindrance

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 06:00

Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 596

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

By Gloria Lovestar - 13/09/2019 20:00

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 217

By ChickenBallsPlease - 28/01/2014 11:16 - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 588

You deserved it 16 661

Bad vibes

By Anonymous - 19/12/2023 12:00 - Switzerland - Riehen

Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 224

The one with the phone addiction

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 05:15

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 196

Next

Top comments

amayasoma 19

Monday 15 March 2010 23:53

Aww, poor you. How about discussing this with your wife and seeing if you and her can fix it.

sarcasMystic 0

Monday 15 March 2010 23:58

Imagine the Chinese guy's FML: "Today, I am beginning to get suspicious about one man who keeps calling for Chinese take-out and making conversation. He won't stop calling. FML."

Comments

mugiwara_fml 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:56

At least your wife isn't a big cushion, right ? :o)

lollymay13 6

Sunday 1 May 2011 16:00

I think my dad wrote this fml..... FML!!!

darealdc03 1

Friday 16 December 2011 6:24

Don't feel bad for yourself. I am in the exact same position.

DarthVader77 9

Wednesday 21 November 2012 4:07

Brother, I am with you!

Mads_1234 28

Friday 4 January 2013 20:46

I would like to say YDI but it is currently at 13434 and I can't ruin that

sulitak 27

Monday 1 April 2013 8:51

come baaack, its not there anymore

Hawaii84 16

Monday 18 March 2013 14:39

You should discuss this with your wife and find help. If nothing can be done then maybe is time to part ways.

Tawnkat 13

Monday 11 August 2014 2:22

I bet you're 400 pounds.

daemonsparta 16

Friday 17 July 2015 19:57

you two need to have a talk

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Capitalism Health Sports Awkward Work Friends Weird Relatable Management Birthday Teenagers Phobias Insects Embarrassing Food Smells Restaurants Poopoo peepee Relationship advice #FAFO Sex Intimacy Family Money Kids Skincare Love Housework Anxiety

The Top

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 1 137

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 781

You deserved it 8 268

The Top

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 983

You deserved it 28 806

Today, my son had been grinning like a damn fool all day. When I tried to take a bath, I realised why. The idiot put superglue on the inside of my prosthetic leg this morning and I didn’t notice for nearly 15 hours. I can’t get the damn thing off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 997

You deserved it 283

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 896

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend's dad by showing off my "impressive" knowledge of cars. When he mentioned she had a problem with her engine, I jokingly told him it was probably the “flux capacitor” that needed adjusting. He stared at me blankly and said, “You know that’s from Back to the Future, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 558

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 063

You deserved it 8 119

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 003

You deserved it 3 687