Kids: Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged...

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 396

You deserved it 3 357

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 133

You deserved it 7 106

By badmom101 - 16/05/2009 11:26 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 691

You deserved it 6 400

By lon01t - 07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 293

You deserved it 2 647

Stranger danger

By john doe - 07/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 059

You deserved it 6 210

Road hazard

By houdinette - 22/11/2013 23:14 - Sweden - Norrköping

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 221

You deserved it 5 962

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 029

You deserved it 224

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 9 866

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 293

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 467

You deserved it 9 394

Stuck in the middle with you

By dadlife - 08/06/2021 04:01

Today, I heard my wife and daughter arguing. My wife took away my daughter's phone and laptop for being disrespectful. My daughter screamed, calling her mom a fat cow. My wife simply said, "Yeah, well you’re gonna look exactly like me when you grow up!" Now they’re both locked in rooms, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 111

EvilPotato 14

Saturday 27 October 2012 2:56

That's actually pretty smart for two five year olds! Well smart in a scary way, but still!

ICastillo 24

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:10

They figured since you didn't melt when they threw water on you a few weeks ago that they would just smash your fingers as a consolation prize..

Comments

outoftown 26

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:55

Hmmm... two psychopaths, or clever 5-year-old twins? I'm going with clever twins. Good luck parenting, OP. Hope your fingers are OK.

mizteri 1

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:11

Please tell me you disciplined them afterwards. Doesn't have to mean eating the shit out of them. Just taking away all toys and privileges for until you heal and then some. Constantly reminding them that they cannot do such things and that is the consequence. I not...you deserve it for spoiling your kids and raising them wrong.

dead247 13

Saturday 27 October 2012 8:25

Or you could spank your kids and take away all their privileges. Kids need a good spanking every now and then. Kids may have more respect if they had some physical discipline in there life. Go ahead and thumb me down for my views, I'll still stand by them.

GoddamnBatman 7

Saturday 27 October 2012 10:59

@59, I don't think many people will thumb you down. I have had several discussions with other people how I think spanking a child will help with parenting. Most people agreed to that.

tubz84 2

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:14

That doesn't imply psychopathic behaviour at all.

daybar12 8

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:17

We need to talk about Kevin...

dabeast15 7

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:19

Ur kids r total bitches

Bena_Round2long 2

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:22

That's kinda cute!... And hey at least they get along! Right?!

carminecris89 13

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:32

There's nothing cute about two monstrous little girls hurting their mother. I'm always baffled by people who laugh off some really horrifying behavior because the child is little. The intent is pretty scary, and their age doesn't change that.