Have, have, would HAVE! If you like contractions, "would've". It isn't really a big deal, one or two incidents, and I'm really not trying to be an a-hole. It's just that I'm seeing more and more of this, and I'm starting to worry that it's what they're teaching kids these days. What if "would of" passes into common usage? What does it even mean? I'm telling you, when high-profile stupids can get their ridiculous non-words (Refudiate, Mrs. Palin? Seriously?) into the dictionary, we normal folk have to fight even harder against the decay of...I dunno...all of expressed thought. It isn't even a matter of grammar for me, so much as clarity and consistency. Please don't be angry, just try harder. Thank you.

"Dunno" McHatey? Really? You're contracting three words into one nonsensical one! If you presume to... Meh, I can't do it. Nevermind. You're right. Carry on. I shouldn't've opened my big mouth.

I bend the rules for flair. These yahoos are masticating them because they're lazy and sloppy. The difference is in the warm glow of smug superiority I can take with me to the next comment. Why am I telling you, though? It's easy to see you're already familiar with the sensation. Speaking of which, I'm surprised that you let the fivehead crowd bully you into changing your profile picture. They were cheap shots and I wouldn't "go there", but I hope we can all learn a lesson in grace and humility from the experience. Thank you for your input!

I bend the rules for style, flair, and "voice". These Mongoloids are masticating them because they're lazy and sloppy. The difference is that I get to move on to the next comment with a warm, smug sense of superiority. Then again, why am I telling you? It's obvious that you're well acquainted with that sentiment. Speaking of which, I'm surprised that you let the fivehead crowd bully you into changing your profile picture. It's a low blow and I wouldn't have gone there, but I hope we can all learn a lesson of grace and humility. Thanks for your input!

I bend the rules for style, flair, and "voice". These mongoloids are masticating them because they're lazy and sloppy. The difference is that I get to move on to the next comment with a warm, smug sense of superiority. Then again, why am I telling you? It's obvious that you're well acquainted with that sentiment. Speaking of which, I'm surprised that you let the fivehead crowd bully you into changing your profile picture. It's a low blow and I wouldn't have gone there, but I hope we can all learn a lesson of grace and humility. Thanks for your input!

Stupid. FML hates iPhones and I'm not certain the glitching is entirely accidental. Sorry, gang! I know it's a little disappointing to see the process behind the magic, but the takeaway should be FIX MY APP. Thanks.

Actually those idiots had no bearing on my decision to change the profile pic. I had mentioned on another FML about a rectal foreign body I had removed from a patient, and I wanted to show it. So here it is. Trust me, I'll change the pic right back to my daughter tomorrow.

Shallow is not giving a girl even a second look just because she's not smoking hot with bangin' DD's. It's NOT shallow to not be interested in a girl that has a MOUSTACHE. I mean, come ON.