Animals: Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to...

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

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Same thing different taste

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 178

You deserved it 4 027

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 12 473

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 411

You deserved it 2 447

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 878

Freakout

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 918

You deserved it 44 882

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 483

You deserved it 3 180

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

Seegtease 0

Monday 20 April 2009 9:47

Spider got some ACTION before it died.

FBIWarning 0

Monday 20 April 2009 9:47

At least you killed it :)

Comments

lnf9ohfour 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:17

EW HOLY SHIT THATS NASTY . im hugely arachnophobic,(sp?) i would have died right there :P

summersong89 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:29

ew ew EWWWWW! im arachnophobic, and that just grosses me out. hopefully the spider didn't bite you..

GiveProps 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:51

DONT WORRY!!!!!!!!!!! The crabs killed the spider!!!!!!

ILoveJace01 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:52

Ew! Omg I would die. But how did you not feel it? And make sure you look before you put on! And #70, lol.

bxrv43 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:54

It was a spider, chill the **** out. Seriously.

noshitsherlock 0

Monday 20 April 2009 22:59

O GAWD. At least you didn't get bitten. 0___0 But don't you go to the bathroom at all?!?!

LOLLLL 0

Monday 20 April 2009 23:27

LOL you got the ass of steel, be proud ;D

vicky93 0

Monday 20 April 2009 23:38

# 43 lmfao. i love you. #76 are you ******* serious? a spider in your ******* underwear? wow but yeah that sucks. i would of shit my pants, no lie.

cookieinc 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 0:00

did u not look at wut u were wearing?

call_it_karma 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 0:01

omg wow, i would have cried.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 330

You deserved it 4 254

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 512

The Top

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 838

You deserved it 5 475

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 128

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 470

You deserved it 8 078

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doctor inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 409

You deserved it 7 057

Today, my group is so lazy and unwilling to do work for our debate project that my competition is offering to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 372

You deserved it 865

Today, my husband is going to a business trip where his female coworker, the one he says to "not worry about", yet acts totally lovestruck about, will be too. I saw him pack a box of condoms. He said, “Oops! They’re actually for us, I didn’t mean to pack them.” Honey, we haven’t used condoms in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 180