Health: Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my...

By Sick - 24/02/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 673

You deserved it 6 174

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Same thing different taste

Hurry up

By lauren_rox - 08/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 426

You deserved it 13 706

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 934

You deserved it 12 976

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 115

You deserved it 3 812

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 436

You deserved it 15 298

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 039

You deserved it 5 237

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 214

Kinda sus, dude

By Owie - 14/06/2023 12:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 97

By Sleepy - 31/05/2015 15:51 - United States - Apo

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 480

You deserved it 5 035

By jellybean - 06/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 802

You deserved it 11 005

By Nickname - 12/10/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 762

You deserved it 13 859

beekers 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:08

Wow, you got beat up by yourself. That takes a lot of talent.

vampireknight 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:25

how the ****?...i would like to see a reinactment. but dont worry it sounded like something id do

Comments

nomnomnom_fml 0

Friday 6 March 2009 0:47

EPIC FAIL

Spitfire_fml 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 2:34

That is agonizing.

coool_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 2:48

ahahah that is tooo funny ... i just laughed a little too loud.

savesam 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 19:13

i just pissed myself laughing

KisaChan_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 22:48

I wish I could do that! Seriously. It would be fun to tell that story to my friends.

tbeaun 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:24

Reminds me of a story my grandpa told me. Seems he woke up with an erection for the first time in 15 years &, damn the luck, his hand was asleep.

rgviza 0

Friday 13 March 2009 16:13

do not call list 4tw

qwerty123456789 0

Monday 23 March 2009 21:06

LOL @ #9

badopie9er 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 6:57

Funniest thing I've heard all day. I've kicked my own ass before but it usually involves alcohol.

kat0ria 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 19:55

Freaking telemarketers.

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 11

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 3 164

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 623

You deserved it 15 436

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 591

You deserved it 8 720

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 916

You deserved it 4 738

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 1 010

Today, I found out my brother and his girlfriend stole my wedding ring, my checkbook and my disabled son's iPad to fuel their drug habit. I'm $600 overdrawn and have no food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 101

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 486

You deserved it 2 178