Miscellaneous: Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom...

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 74 789

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Same thing different taste

Privacy

By whyme27 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 937

You deserved it 4 479

By me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 2 711

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 644

You deserved it 9 143

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 8 895

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 44 721

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 2 608

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 803

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

Dump the dump

By lily anne - 30/01/2022 02:00

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 144

lindseylindsey39 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:11

Hahah I do that all the time.

rukusrazor 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:12

Eww, stall call.

Comments

kwbuzz23wk 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:18

this is not a billboard 18. shut up

tko 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:18

#11--while not precisely clear, it wasn't that difficult to figure out what she was talking about, and if it took you "a long time" then there is a high chance you may be ******* retarded (not mentally retarded, just plain ******* stupid)

waxstigmata 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:20

i hope you weren't taking a poop, but seriously who does that? thats the grossest things anyone could do, i don't want to hear someone dumping on the other side of the phone while we're having a conversation, in fact i don't want to hear them pee either! i agree with him: EW!

NorfolkDude 2

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:22

I was in the bathroom the other day and this dude in the next stall was talking on the cell. I decided to bring out my cell too and have an intense convo. I was like, "Hey! I'm taking a crap in the bathroom right now and figured, why don't I talk on the cell phone. So here I am, talking on the cell meanwhile dude next to me talking on the cell taking a crap too. What a glorious day it is today, me speaking on the cell phone while taking a crap. Geez, you'd think we'd think it all then now I'm sitting here taking a crap in the bathroom. Yeah!!!!"

tko 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:23

#24--THATS the grossest thing anyone could do???!?!? obviously you've never seen "2 girls 1 cup" lol

waxstigmata 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:25

26: i'm not talking about cyber space, anything goes there, i'm talking about everyday reality, clam down...

waxstigmata 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:25

go away double post...

rukusrazor 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:26

#18 (AskMeAnything) - I've got a question for you? Where the **** do you get off? Don't you have a youtube video to spam advertise? Please FML staff, help this person DIAF. K THNX BAI.

americayay 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:29

Um, obviously if she's only saying he, she must mean "He", as in God. Kidding. I just didn't have any trouble understanding this. I'm not sure why I think this is gross, but admittedly, I do. It's not like they can hear it (hopefully you'd hang up, were it audible) or see it or smell it. I always think "Ew" when I hear someone in a stall next to me on the phone. When my husband and I first moved in together, I used to run the shower while I went to the bathroom and then would actually take a shower, that way he would just think I took REALLY long showers and NEVER excreted waste.