By rissa5214 - 26/07/2015 18:20 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks 26 536
You deserved it 5 931
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Top comments

xxmollyxx 25

Lucky that you found out now and don't have to waste five more years on someone who doesn't want the same things in life as you.

331 13
PANDORUM89 21

I'm sorry that happened to you. Did y'all previously talk about your future? maybe he didn't want kids or he panicked when he was given a time limit. Again sorry to hear this as that was an extreme reaction.

294 7

Comments

FMLMaximus 23

at least you can stop wasting your time :)

8 3
wondermoose 28

the people who choose the "you deserved it" button also have commitment issues.

7 30
RandKP 21

I choose "you deserve it" I'm happily married with two kids. You can NOT just spring this type of thing on a guy and expect him to take it well. This is the type of information you slowly break him into, or discuss if he has indicated he's ready for the discussion.

19 0
Blackbiker_fml 7

Commitment issues is a concept invented by the average social-induced pressure that people suffer from, the need to get married, procreate and all that other monkey business (no judgment to the family people here). Let me explain - there are people who have interesting, exciting lives without being commited to a single partner, driving kids to school and so on. People like me who value their personal freedom and put it through good use with trips, new experiences, and a high risk involved lifestyle that usually family people can't afford. It's just a matter of perspective. Not to mention all the different people (women in my case) you get to meet and enjoy - far better than having a scheduled "sex night" once a month according to the urban mythology. Let me repeat, i'm not judging people who live a more classic lifestyle, to each their own in the end, but you can't just label people who want other things with having "commitment issues".

8 1
RealSuperSand 21

51, I agree with you completely. I'm very much the same way. I like to spend my time and money on myself and my friends, having new experiences, doing new things, and meeting all sorts of different people and enjoying their company. The classic apple pie lifestyle and the Norman Rockwell nuclear family just isn't meant for some people, myself included. Nothing against people who want that, unless they're the type who feel the need to try and cram their beliefs and values down my throat.

7 1
chinaski7628 32

Totally agree with 51 and 57. I used to believe that I had "commitment issues"-- especially because, as a woman, there was always an expectation that I get married and have a family. However, I figured out that's not what I want for me. I have several friends who are married and have children-- I love them and their children. It's just not the life I want. People have called me selfish, and maybe I am, but I can do what I want, when I want. I think the worse crime would be to get married and have children that I don't particularly want.

8 1
Blackbiker_fml 7

Wink from another Charles Bukowski fan. Thanks for your feedback. For women it's even tougher to be socially accepted as being a self-centered person, but it's no crime being selfish, and I don't see how that constitutes an insult or how being like that should make you reconsider your personality, no way. Selfish is even commendable as people like us tend to be happier than submissive wives married to abusive husbands or who treat them like slaves. And kudos for figuring out that being unwilling to take responsibility and being honest about it is actually the responsible thing to do.

5 1
Seabass_Chan 33

Okay, definitely a dick move on his part, but if you just sprung it on him without any warning and he wasn't expecting it, maybe he had a reason to panic a tiny bit? See if it's possible to work things out, discuss a future you BOTH want.

20 2
Mightytall 35

At least now you know. There are plenty of good men out there, so good luck with the next one!

4 3
DjeePee 24

You wanted to get married and have a child in the next five years. Ever asked what he wants? Because this communication seems a bit one-sided to me.

27 2
vanaathiel 13

Very one-sided. She told him her dreams for the next 5 years and instead of discussing it or telling her what he wanted he responded like this. He's the one who failed in communicating, not her.

2 15
Ianamis 6

No they both did. I am so sick of people acting like the guy is always at fault and the woman can never be. She told him what she wanted an how she worded it matters. Was she demanding and on top of not asking him what he wants she seems to have demanded something of him instead of asking. Like it or not it is his life too.

4 1
Keiraquarium 12

I'm sorry that this happened but there's not much point being with someone who wants completely different things to you. Better you found out sooner rather than later

3 0
hannahlinnea 12

Sounds like you're better off without him..

0 6
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

I'm actually stunned that the person you've been with for 3 years would kick you out like that, unless you gave him an ultimatum and even then, there should be room for discussion. You might be better off.

10 1
GhostFox 33

Surprised the subject didn't come up at all over three years, but I don't date so I have no idea if it is something people really talk about. Even if it seems like it should be... Sounds like both of you made some major errors, if you phrased it the way you did in the FML. Saying you "want" to be married with offspring in five years sounds a bit like an ultimatum, especially if it was out of the blue. Maybe it would have been better to phrase it as "I think I want to be married, and maybe have a child around the time I turn x; what do you want to do before you turn y?" In the case of the (ex?)boyfriend, it was really irrational of him to kick you out, especially if it was somewhere you both pay to live in. He should have said that those goals didn't line up with his desires, and that he wasn't willing to compromise on the issue. He definitely should have given you a month or two to move out if you did help to pay for rent and utilities- especially if you'd already paid your part for the month. IF you live with him full time, and didn't have housing of your own, I am going to reluctantly suggest you look into the laws for eviction or otherwise removing someone from housing. NOT for revenge, but because if it does fit the scenario I describe above, he both violated laws and put you at risk. That said, not wanting to be married or have kids doesn't make him a bad person, anymore than it makes anyone else who makes that decision a bad person. Trying to trap him into a marriage would have been miserable for you both, and any kids you had, in the long term, so don't go down that road. Marriage should be something both parties want, and of want of their own will, as should children. There are many reasons for people to not want one or both of those goals, and even the simplest of just not wanting them is a valid reason to not take actions to get them. That said, I am sorry that someone you had such a long partnership with ended, and hope you have luck finding someone you get along with just as well, and who wants the same things you do out of life. Also, it may be a good idea to take a pregnancy case if you two were sexually active and you don't want to have a child out of wedlock or be a single parent. Or risk dating while having a child that could be in danger from any potential partners.

6 0