Love: Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened...

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 4 387

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Same thing different taste

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 408

You deserved it 206

By smith - 28/01/2012 03:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 406

You deserved it 57 896

By Anonymous - 11/12/2014 21:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 338

You deserved it 5 290

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 17:31 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 945

You deserved it 2 574

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 4 054

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 909

You deserved it 7 954

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 930

You deserved it 23 218

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 457

You deserved it 7 992

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 4 859

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 2 080

604 11

Tuesday 16 September 2014 0:16

Not sure which is worse! The smell of shit or the taste of vomit. F both your lives!

devildog562 33

Tuesday 16 September 2014 0:16

Ice cream and flowers, they will save you my friend.

Comments

starcaller17 16

Tuesday 16 September 2014 5:08

"Today I took a shit of biblical proportions... FML" lol you don't even need the rest of it

summereclypse 6

Tuesday 16 September 2014 5:17

Belly rub, back rub, foot rub, and whatever she's craving (if anything). if she's always sick, crackers and ginger ale. PAMPER THAT LADY!!!

danilynn6308 14

Tuesday 16 September 2014 5:18

If you held it your stomach would've hurt like hell. If you pooped (which obviously you did) she would get mad.. You just can't win sometimes

restlesschill18 2

Tuesday 16 September 2014 5:53

gotta courtesy flush those bad ones lol

noah_1234 24

Tuesday 16 September 2014 7:34

i think the vomiting wasn't hormonal and was because of the crap smell.

cece23_fml 10

Tuesday 16 September 2014 7:52

Made perfect sense to me, I've known many a house in the UK that has only one toilet, sometimes only in the upstairs bathroom. In America it seems you get a free toilet with every bedroom. In Holland where I live now there is always a downstairs toilet (handy for visitors) and an upstairs one in case you need peepee in the night.

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 16 September 2014 7:52

Are you catholic?

Brandi_Faith 33

Tuesday 16 September 2014 8:00

Yes she's hormonal, but she doesn't need to be unreasonable. There's not even any logic in thinking he planned it. We women have to try and be aware of our hormones when we're on our period or pregnant or whatever the situation, and try to realize that the way we are often feeling is irrational and try not to take it out on anyone else. Hormones and periods don't give women the right to act nasty and however they want. It doesn't sound like she was too crazy in this situation, but I'm just saying in general.

cocainewhore 30

Tuesday 16 September 2014 8:55

I live in the UK and every house I have been in has at least 2 toilets.

TiaBug 13

Tuesday 16 September 2014 10:36

Omg a chick who understands they shouldn't be irrational and bitch on their period/whilst pregnant. I bet you only hang out with guys "because it's so much less drama". Sorry, maybe I'm on my period. Or pregnant.