Miscellaneous: Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual...

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 858

You deserved it 65 730

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Same thing different taste

By maryfaithh - 27/01/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 517

You deserved it 26 002

By razordot - 28/02/2019 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after complaining all my life that no one makes a decent can opener, I have realised that I have been using them the wrong way. I finally figured out that the cutting blade goes on the SIDE of the can not the TOP. I'm 57 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 2 085

By afraidofcans - 23/10/2012 16:01 - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 4 448

Fragile

By lithium-dreams - 16/07/2022 22:00

Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 161

By tstaeger - 24/07/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 426

You deserved it 37 827

Kitchen nightmare

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 436

Good morning!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if…" as he flung it around, and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 209

You deserved it 263

Good old gender stereotypes

By Brian - 05/11/2020 13:59 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I couldn't open a jar of mayo and my cousin had to open it for me. She's a 16 year-old girl and I'm a 24 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 810

Goober

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 02:00

Today, at a local mini mart, I tried several times to open a door that clearly said "PUSH" by pulling it, much to the amusement to the customers and staff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 788

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 313

You deserved it 33 804

jim69_fml 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 22:07

seriously it's not that hard to use a manual can opener.... tard

tati3092 1

Wednesday 10 November 2010 22:03

hahah ur a little slow or alot

Comments

pinkprincess7849 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:14

loser

its_tuesday 6

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:19

honestly how did you not learn how to do that...your parents should teach you how to do that shit lol.

Takador 3

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:29

1) Ur natural hair color is showing 2) READ the instructions 3) LEARN how to do stuff 4) Do u live under a rock???

catatonicsleep 17

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:59

not all blondes are stupid It wasn't one of those clip on the side and twist ones was it? because then you would be really stupid...

that_arab_dude 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:34

I wish they had a can opener app for the iPhone

InCrediFuqAmaZin 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:43

I wish I had an iPhone app for the Droid

lololol1112 4

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:55

61 ftw

cookie_wookie 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:44

LOL, thx, u totally made my day with ur epic fail

funzcpl 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 23:52

you dork!

hbaybee21 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 0:01

you remind me of this girl in my class that is in 12th grade and doesn't know how to spell bacon or cheese!

detolicious 2

Thursday 11 November 2010 0:01

would be funnier if you weren't able to open the can after all due to mutilating it so much in your futile attempt to obtain food.

Luckysam1984 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 0:04

Idiot.

Luckysam1984 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 0:06

Who wouldn't notice that tab? Are you blind?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 178

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 268

The Top

Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 280

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 256

You deserved it 48 190

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 012

You deserved it 47 307

Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 226

Today, I would’ve been allowed to return to work after recovering from an accident two months prior. Yesterday, I had to start self-isolating after having gotten infected with Covid at one of my mandatory store trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 99

Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 014

You deserved it 14 846