Health: Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked... - FML

By goingtothegym - 09/12/2013 01:16 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 730

You deserved it 6 552

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 1 605

Smugglers unite

By atang - 09/04/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 941

You deserved it 11 455

J'accuse !

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 3 011

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 02:01

Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 168

Thick as thieves

By blovesg - 07/04/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 402

You deserved it 539 696

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 066

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Telinaa - 08/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 3 066

Fashionista

By malicious_melons - 07/07/2013 23:41 - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 243

You deserved it 3 529

XXL

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 23:01

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 282

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 368

Next

Top comments

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Comments

thaddaeus413 7

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

Hit that gym

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

No guts no glory

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:30

@1 you're comment is stupid when you consider the ops name

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 9 December 2013 8:40

#1, I'm sure he hasn't considered that before…

TheCanucklehead 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:56

Beast mode time.

Rednipplehippo 1

Monday 9 December 2013 18:40

I know right. It's his own fault

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:18

Lots of "him" "his" for a woman.

Katiakatxx 13

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

that's awful! D: it also reminds me of Family guy..

Blink_me26 21

Monday 9 December 2013 10:35

That was my first thought too

Doritozilla 20

Monday 9 December 2013 19:42

"I need an adult, I NEED AN ADULT!"

paskievitchjack 23

Tuesday 21 February 2017 21:01

I need an adult! I need an adult!

DrHail 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

Fyl, OP. I know the feeling. But that's ok! You're probably too fabulous anyway.

jazzy_123 20

Monday 9 December 2013 9:55

OP is probably PHAT, Pretty Hot And Tempting.

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:20

sick of fat being given Euphemisms...

jazzy_123 20

Tuesday 10 December 2013 7:49

80, I'm pretty sure you can't handle a real PHAT woman *hair flip*

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

U probably need to lay of the snacks, like cake.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

You probably need to lay off the bitchiness.

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

Nigga shut yo titts

SilentNightz 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

Lose dem pounds.

EternalTime 7

Monday 9 December 2013 12:36

Good advice, I'm sure this never ran through his head

Lilxpie 18

Monday 9 December 2013 13:48

#60 - Her head you mean.

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

4th

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

*6th

whiteboy896 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

And ill be the 1st to say, who cares?

wheres_waldo13 4

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

lay off them twinkies

NessaMae 19

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

This seems like a common problem considering the vast amount of FML's similar to this one lol.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Gingerette 8

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

Heck yeah. I broke out my vat of walrus fat back in November.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:14

Thinking ahead! Good job!

awkwardturtl3 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

they need glasses

Keywords

Coworkers Work Cars Animals Dogs Transportation Miscellaneous Photography Art Videos Love Awkward Health Money Scams My ex Sex Family Am I overreacting? Healthy Lifestyle AITA Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Social Media Friends

The Top

Today, my mother-in-law "borrowed" my dog without asking, to show him off to her friends. My dog is my service animal, and I'm not comfortable leaving the house without him. I have to be at work in an hour, and she's not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 445

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5 mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh… I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 007

You deserved it 47 415

The Top

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 2 947

Today, my coworker threw a bitch fit about not getting a promotion she'd applied for. My other coworker had got it, so after her fit, management worked something out: they gave the promotion to her, and the coworker that originally had it was given a promotion that I'd been promised for months. Now I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 101

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 084

You deserved it 2 691

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 732

You deserved it 3 436

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 490

You deserved it 32 024

Today, my girlfriend broke it off with me when she realized I can no longer treat her to expensive gifts and meals. My ex-wife is bleeding me dry with child support payments, I can no longer afford the lifestyle I used to have. She won’t take me back. Now I’m totally single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 186