Love: Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie....

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 635

You deserved it 3 534

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Same thing different taste

Bad omen

By pupitre - 18/10/2011 00:16 - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 495

You deserved it 4 956

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 6 469

By kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 470

You deserved it 2 020

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 391

You deserved it 4 322

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 765

You deserved it 4 778

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 408

You deserved it 2 289

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 18:00

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 557

By ug - 08/07/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 742

You deserved it 4 549

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 693

You deserved it 4 610

By yum. - 10/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 430

You deserved it 4 744

MissEmma_fml 22

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:32

Forever alone.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:32

You didn't look far enough. The real love of your life is the buffet across the room. Send me an invitation to the wedding.

Comments

Dramori 29

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:59

"if you can't find a partner use a wooden chair, let's rock, yeah everybody let's rock..." Elvis saw this coming.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Wednesday 8 August 2012 3:45

Please tell me that your picture isn't another one of my baby pictures.

Caliborn_06 11

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:59

Cry me a river

Briiyahh 7

Wednesday 8 August 2012 0:59

Lol I'm sorry Forever alone

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:05

There was a ghost sitting in that chair! Or a cockroach. ... Eh. Still a better love story than twilight.

watermelon1 35

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:06

On the bright side, it wasn't your dad sitting across from you…

SamanthaCassieL 10

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:13

Those things are full of shit. I'm sure you will find someone one day who will treat you right and will make you fall head over heels :)

Enslaved 36

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:22

The Chinese Restaurant I go to, only have fortune cookies with Lottery numbers and a translation of how to say different Chinese words.):

sweetmama88 6

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:24

At least it wasn't your family sitting across from you.

ganjaone 2

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:31

I feel ur pain op :(

Crownsroyal11 1

Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:31

Was the chair wood?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 162

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 116

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 673

You deserved it 4 994

Today, on my first day off in months, my stepdad woke me up at the buttcrack of dawn, screaming at me to “get my lazy ass up” and start doing some chores. I guess pretending to still be asleep didn’t make him to go away, because I then felt hot water seeping through the blankets and onto my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 164

Today, I learned why my boyfriend always jokes that I'm 'autistic'. I thought it was just a strange inside joke. Turns out that he truly believes I'm a part of the 'special-education' community. Even worse, after a fair amount of research, I'm convinced he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 303

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 4 119

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 063

You deserved it 14 731

Today, while my 8-year-old was at school, I got a call saying that he shat and peed himself and then attacked a girl with his shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 365

Same thing different taste

Bad omen

Take the W

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

First Dates

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