Because, #15, god forbid someone should actually give a **** about trans people if they're not trans themselves. And... WTF with all the people saying a woman shouldn't be in a gay bar/should expect abuse if she is? I knew before clicking on the comments that there was bound to be sexism, homophobia and transphobia flying around in here, but just... ugh. (Yay #17, at least, for actually knowing what they're talking about.)

Saying that women shouldnt goto gaybars (women can't be gay?? lesbian is also gay!) is like saying gay people shouldnt goto non-gaybars. Bunch of closeminded losers.

stick it in her fartbox

#23, how is this abuse? OP was trying to chat this person up, and yes if you go to a gay bar you will probably be mistaken for someone of the opposite gender at some point. It's not abuse--you just correct the person and move on. Being intolerant of other people's mistakes is just as closed-minded, you know.

*sighs* Poor OP. Whilst you blew it big time and totally cut that poor woman, I feel bad for you. You weren't trying to be an ass, you were trying to be open-minded, and that is something the whole world needs a little bit more of, even at the expense of offending a person or two. That being said, it wasn't very bright to fire off those questions right off the bat going on your own assumption - #10 is right, they are very personal, and while you were trying to be open-minded, it's always best to gauge the attitude of the subject first. Trans folk tend to fall into one extreme or the other. They're either all too willing to answer whatever questions they can, or they're offended by it and share #11's views. It's hard knowing which is which, but it takes only one slip up in conversation to find out :P Moral of the story: NEVER assume. Anything. Ever. E-V-E-R.

that's what happens when you are gay/ go to gay bars

weelll this was close between a YDI and an FML because, well, the lady WAS at a gay bar...and drag queens are obviously a popular occurrence. others would have probably made the same mistake, but the questions you asked are, uh, interesting? maybe cool it on the personal ones?

They never mentioned trying to chat someone up, thought that's beside the point. The idea that by going to a gay bar one should expect to be mistaken as someone of the opposite gender is... well, apart from anything else, it's just puzzling. It's a bizarre and stupid assumption to make. ... Which leads to, why was it abusive? 1) The assumption that someone is the opposite gender to that that they're presenting as is, if not exactly abusive, certainly potentially highly offensive. 2) The OP just asked a stranger, unprompted, about her genitalia; if you can't see why a woman might experience this as abusive, then, well, wow. Intolerance of an innocent mistake is... I think closed-minded is a bit of a stupid characterisation (particularly trying to put it on a par with bigotry), but unnecessarily unforgiving, yes. However, the OP's actions would have been disgusting even if they'd happened to have been right -- indeed, even if it were obvious that they were.

I clicked FML and YDI... truthfully, at a gay bar, there are a lot of people walking around who don't necessarily look their gender. Women who try to dress like men, drag queens, men trying to dress like women... it can be very confusing. The fact that you made a mistake in ascertaining her gender wasn't really your fault. BUT. Why were you asking such personal questions? A little more detail would help... if you were already talking to this girl, striking up a conversation which sort of drifted to that... maybe I could understand. But it sounds like this was someone you didn't know very well and hadn't been talking to for very long, and despite your curiosity, it's best to just wait a bit and see how cool the person in question would be with answering YOUR questions. Woman or drag queen, that was just impolite.

Sorry, that to #26, obviously.