Work: Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush...

By StudMuffinette - 18/07/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 274

You deserved it 2 979

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Same thing different taste

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 10 292

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 415

You deserved it 13 196

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 39 684

By cutup - 11/07/2012 17:54 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 525

You deserved it 6 434

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 4 510

By workaholic - 15/02/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 263

You deserved it 3 012

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 295

You deserved it 54 906

All shook up

By tongue tied - 16/08/2022 04:00

Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 195

By tickdog - 19/03/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 879

You deserved it 5 475

Who the **** is this guy?

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 2 941

StudMuffinette 17

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:35

finally my fml gets posted :D

speshlk37 13

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:34

tell her to "shave this..."

Comments

katiego 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:29

can't you charge for both

LizzJizz 16

Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:30

When the owner came to collect her dog.....u should've took that shaver straight to her head XD

xthelegendx 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 15:11

nudes or gtfo

daniellekimberly 23

Sunday 17 April 2016 22:31

OP is referring to dog grooming. How is this relevant?

OfficeNinja 5

Tuesday 19 July 2011 15:48

no problem. shave the mutt then charge for both services and all your time.

Liklik_penguin 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:02

Your an idiot for thinking a drink would help a choking child

dogpup4 23

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:08

Wrong FML haha.

cieramc 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:04

charge her twice as much.

The_Commentor_ 6

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:30

Tell her its no problem, but your going to charge extra.

The_Commentor_ 6

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:32

You look a little young, but you are older than I am.

FreezeeMonsta 19

Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:35

bet it was some trophy wife bitch >_>

Analeigh23 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 20:21

Wow what a b****!

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The Top

Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 182

Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 136

The Top

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 564

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 4 876

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 181

You deserved it 3 032

Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't at all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 5 524

Today, I was sitting with a group of people at lunch. I was having a bad day, so I began venting to them. Eventually, they got tired of it and banned me from the table, because my "depressing mindset" reminds them of their trauma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 060

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 456

You deserved it 2 451

Same thing different taste

Checks out

All shook up

Who the **** is this guy?

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