Work: Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush...

By StudMuffinette - 18/07/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 274

You deserved it 2 979

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Same thing different taste

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 10 292

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 415

You deserved it 13 196

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 39 684

By cutup - 11/07/2012 17:54 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 525

You deserved it 6 434

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 4 510

By workaholic - 15/02/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 263

You deserved it 3 012

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 295

You deserved it 54 906

All shook up

By tongue tied - 16/08/2022 04:00

Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 195

By tickdog - 19/03/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 879

You deserved it 5 475

Who the **** is this guy?

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 2 941

StudMuffinette 17

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:35

finally my fml gets posted :D

speshlk37 13

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:34

tell her to "shave this..."

Comments

pwlittleangel 8

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:15

what a bitch, i hope you didnt shave the dog after all that

Itsthetruth 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:31

u should have shave one side only.

dannyfitz18 4

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:42

what does op stand for?

StudMuffinette 17

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:54

"original"

StudMuffinette 17

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:56

I meant to say "original poster" (sorry distractions)

atlfreak0418 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:42

That was my shih tzu and I'm "that lady"... >.> Just kidding.

SexyQueen0905 24

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:50

Know how you feel. My first one was posted and every one since has been rejected.

Frenchface 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:05

I hate that! being a groomer myself I feel your pain!

Imgonnahaveabf 9

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:13

Trim her eyebrows off and be like 'Did I say trim? I meant taser.'

Imgonnahaveabf 9

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:15

I'm very sorry, excuse the lame joke my friend made before. What I meant to say is: HOLD MY POODLE, DOG.

Madiluvsyuh98 2

Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:45

whats gooiinn oonnnn with yu man!

msilvs 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:04

more like a FML for the dog if you were "vigorously" brushing it >.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 4 073

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 291

The Top

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 3 728

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 294

Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 133

Today, after almost two months, I almost finished sorting through my boyfriend's Magic: The Gathering cards. He has been collecting them for 10 years and never bothered to keep them organised. The box of Mythic Rare cards that I was saving till last is missing. I remember exactly where it was, and no one has seen it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 168

Today, my wife finally let our kids stay the night at my mom's house, meaning we had our first night totally alone together in 6 years. She spent all night texting my mom for updates on the kids or on the phone to her sister, so I watched a film by myself then went to bed bored at 8:15 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 181

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 009

You deserved it 8 617

Same thing different taste

Checks out

All shook up

Who the **** is this guy?

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