Kids: Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently,...

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 328

You deserved it 15 918

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 399

You deserved it 17 297

Charlie

By Jonathan lemon - 22/10/2021 20:00

Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 91

Creepy kid

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 992

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 084

You deserved it 53 494

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 6 027

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 181

You deserved it 6 157

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 737

You deserved it 3 336

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 161

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 636

You deserved it 3 067

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 394

You deserved it 5 225

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 13 May 2011 16:05

He thought he was Charlie Sheen. Don't blame him.

Igor_g5 0

Friday 13 May 2011 16:08

You didn't teach him how to tell real coke from BS. That's where you went wrong.

Comments

jennt89 10

Friday 13 May 2011 17:31

This FML made my day :)

mike3775 35

Friday 13 May 2011 17:38

wow such a loving parent you are. Instead of calling him names and trying to figure out where you went wrong, why don't you actually talk to your son and find out what his problem is? When my kids do something stupid, I don't call em stupid and other names, I talk to them to find out what the problem is, this way maybe we can work it out together

docscientist 9

Friday 13 May 2011 20:01

Really now, twerp isn't less than deserved here?

Vitamin_C 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 14:58

You know sometimes a kid just needs to be told how stupid they are being. Your kids aren't some untouchable treasure that you can never criticize. Maybe if the little moron was told more often when he was being idiotic, he wouldn't be snorting aspirin an baking soda. This new generation of kids seems to have grown up with such fragile egos.

tmmundy 17

Friday 13 May 2011 17:56

I'm sure op meant no harm in calling him twerp. I've heard parents call there children MUCH worse. and if he's going to act like a dumbass well the shoe fits. And whose to say op will or will not get him help. if op is a good parent she will get to the bottom of the problem. if my child did some stupid shit like that, she would be lucky if I called her twerp....lol. jk...I would be so freaking upset tho. but I don't call my girls names when I'm upset with them, only when were playing around.

ReynshineCutting 10

Friday 13 May 2011 17:58

To all of you saying s/he's a terrible nonloving parent because she called her kid a twerp, waa waa waa. My mom always used to call me a piss ant just messing around or if I did something dumb and I'm no worse for wear. I know I'll have moments with my kids saying "what an idiot". I won't do it to their face but sometimes kids do stuff and it's like really?

Bofferding_fml 6

Friday 13 May 2011 17:58

happy it was nothing crystalized like sugar, would have cut his whole nose up

NYC_Yoshi 3

Friday 13 May 2011 18:06

u didn't make him secure enough to stand up to peer pressure. YDI

Elledanae 0

Friday 13 May 2011 18:10

So would you rather it had been real coke?

stolencrackers 1

Friday 13 May 2011 18:11

At least he wasn't busted for smoking oregano.

girlnxdoor 1

Friday 13 May 2011 18:20

hahahaha hilarious

rattusrattus 18

Friday 13 May 2011 18:11

I once went malteaser bobbing and got flour up my nose as a result. Trust me when I say that stuff is horrible up your nose. OP, your son is stupider than a concussed troll. And that's pretty stupid.