Work: Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke...

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By framed - 02/04/2016 12:30 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 2 425

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Same thing different taste

Uncomfortable

By bad timing - 03/09/2019 15:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 373

Power move

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 22:02

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 1 793

By introuble - 23/08/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 212

You deserved it 17 085

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 3 497

By hangman - 01/08/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 761

You deserved it 4 538

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 612

You deserved it 8 216

Karma

By anon - 10/10/2023 10:00

Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. ThenI dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 2 153

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 741

You deserved it 1 754

You laugh, you lose

By YOUFUCKINGFUCKSOCK - 03/11/2012 00:23 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 4 158

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 192

You deserved it 2 182

coming back in the future 30

Sunday 3 April 2016 0:13

He must be a football player.

pokemyeyes 23

Sunday 3 April 2016 0:18

Just dont touch anyone, jokingly or otherwise, theres no need. Having said that, he is indeed a psycho, FYL.

Comments

writergirl1029 17

Sunday 3 April 2016 18:23

Yeah, someone did this to me in seventh grade. Bear in mind, I was a twelve year old girl, maybe 5 feet tall and 100 pounds. He had to have been about twice my weight and about 5'8". I nearly got suspended. It's a hard lesson to learn, hopefully he drops it, OP.

randommanwill 11

Sunday 3 April 2016 20:08

OP is Elaine from Seinfeld.

em_the_g 12

Monday 4 April 2016 15:03

Maybe he had a flu shot...

AlliTheKat 27

Tuesday 5 April 2016 6:32

Sounds like Joseph Blandisi from the NJ Devils. Two minutes for embellishment!

snarkytruth 37

Wednesday 6 April 2016 7:18

Ever been punched in the arm after a shot? Elbowed with a broken rib? Smacked on the back with a major sun burn? Hit on a previous bruise? Most people don't make an announcement of their injuries and it doesn't take much to cause real pain. Some people have nerve damage and many people don't realize how strong they are. Some people can't stand to be touched or are picky about who they are comfortable with touching them. Take the hint and hands off in the future. (Troublemakers like to sue employees the company and get workers comp.)