Health: Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb...

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 676

You deserved it 30 907

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Same thing different taste

What an ass

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 793

You deserved it 3 052

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 676

You deserved it 27 504

By Charles - 21/06/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 552

You deserved it 8 301

By owies :( - 01/04/2011 02:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 113

You deserved it 75 538

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 520

You deserved it 15 619

Talking Heads song playing?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 262

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 138

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 064

You deserved it 2 535

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 1 280

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 1 059

jezane 9

Sunday 29 January 2012 12:09

Wasn't that a "bright" idea...

yahoowizard 16

Sunday 29 January 2012 12:12

I must ask, were you wearing pants?

Comments

Namerkp2 8

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:03

Your and your??

ravenxcorvinus 9

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:08

*is wonderinf if this is the same person that sat on their glasses..*

MissFits_fml 6

Sunday 29 January 2012 17:47

At least it wasn't a thumbtack.

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 29 January 2012 23:05

I'd rather sit on a thumb tack than sit on a light bulb and have glass lacerate my ass and balls...

Mister_Triangle 21

Monday 30 January 2012 7:27

I'v sat on a thumb tack before. Wasn't so bad

YoBud 4

Sunday 29 January 2012 18:57

1 Guy and a lightbulb

MisterMan795 4

Sunday 29 January 2012 21:28

Were u naked?

cscott3131 0

Monday 30 January 2012 0:53

Look before you leap... Or sit.

Clamcreepy 7

Monday 30 January 2012 1:40

A hard head makes for a soft ass

conqueror57 11

Monday 30 January 2012 5:11

Next time you sit down to ********** to internet ****, try doing it with your pants on and just the fly unzipped.

doltkid 3

Monday 30 January 2012 5:19

pics or it didn't happen...

Bullheard 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:42

hige gash on my ass

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The Top

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 642

You deserved it 29 276

Today, my daughter got home from her first date, angry at me because I scared her date so much that he left halfway through. I swear I didn’t do anything except shake his hand and remind him her curfew is 10pm. Am I in the wrong here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 103

The Top

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 710

You deserved it 1 197

Today, a client called my supervisor to complain that I wasn’t answering my phone. Then they called patients' advocate and submitted a second complaint. I was on my lunch break, but still got written up the moment I returned. No, I wasn’t late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 63

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 3 015

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 537

You deserved it 51 160

Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 754

You deserved it 937

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 5 616