Intimacy: Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob...

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 059

You deserved it 38 887

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Same thing different taste

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 32 498

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 747

You deserved it 974

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 651

You deserved it 29 365

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 804

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 244

You deserved it 8 495

Cool trick, mom

By fuck florida - 16/05/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 445

You deserved it 5 995

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 340

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 84 248

Tweekz14 5

Thursday 12 April 2012 1:53

So I'm guessing you swallow?

nofearjenshere 12

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:06

It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.

Comments

Unlucky_Gun 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:43

So when a girl gives head potasium fills her lungs afterwards? JUST KIDDING! Haha. But teah, fyl

mellophone21 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:48

I'm not sure you're doing it right...

Vanilla1Thrilla 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:55

Bananas aren't the answer! I wouldn't stress it OP. Tell your boyfriend he needs to communicate better with you when things are getting hot. I'm sure you would tell him what feels good when he's going down on you. If you don't know what he likes or wants, you can never be good at pleasuring him. I went through a similar situation with my girlfriend. I never told her she was terrible though. We just started talking about "things" and "things" started feeling better... I would also like to point out that normally when a man's penis is/was in a female's mouth, he doesn't complain. However, if she was a raker or a biter his complaint would be legitimate. So OP, as long as you weren't using your teeth, he really shouldn't be complaining. He possibly just might not even like his dinghy in the saliva ocean.

Gtaylorfication 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:58

I had to post somthing....my picture fits this FMl very well :P

cott0nballs 7

Thursday 12 April 2012 5:09

Erm. You could have thought twice and know that bananas are soft and easy to break...

fml849 7

Thursday 12 April 2012 5:23

He's really evil by telling you you're bad at it. Instead, he should just let you know what he wants you to do.

downtime 12

Thursday 12 April 2012 6:13

You're assuming he hasn't told her why she isn't good at it, he may just expect her to choke on it til she vomits. This would be unlikely to be rectified within a single session, hence her practicing. Doesn't take much imagination to work out why you jumping to conclusions and actually saying hes "evil" for lack of communication was pretty damn stupid.