Intimacy: Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob...

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 059

You deserved it 38 887

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Same thing different taste

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 183

You deserved it 32 498

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 747

You deserved it 974

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 651

You deserved it 29 366

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 789

You deserved it 6 804

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 244

You deserved it 8 495

Cool trick, mom

By fuck florida - 16/05/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 446

You deserved it 5 995

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 342

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 84 250

Tweekz14 5

Thursday 12 April 2012 1:53

So I'm guessing you swallow?

nofearjenshere 12

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:06

It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.

Comments

pokaberrie 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:55

If ur using a banana in comparison to ur bfs dick that's quite disappointing in ur part... Lol xD

rockstar44 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:00

Harsh

deviable 9

Thursday 12 April 2012 11:13

Most guys wish they were as big as a banana.

idontknowyou123 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:56

Try again... on camera... for all of us to see... we will give you tips and pointers we promise

kayla_ann0o 9

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:57

lol. Who taught you how to suck dick?

LuckyTroll 6

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:18

I don't think anyone teaches someone else how to give head.

juicifer 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:04

Don't forget to cup the peel...

ohitsdaniella 7

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:06

I'm guessing you bit it? O.o

dubonw1 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:08

Advice - More tongue and less teeth. ;)

FloTimmyKO 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 5:43

You sound like you know what your doing.. Haha

Jannettecooks 1

Thursday 12 April 2012 9:36

^haha that's what I was gonna say! Good advice man! I learned to suck the pink package from my gay friend too...

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 8 May 2016 2:55

Bet he wasn't really gay tho.... lol

stacimarie11 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:14

Dumb.

nowthenagain10 8

Thursday 12 April 2012 4:35

You look like youre trying to get shit out of your teeth and cant find it. Is that the look you were going for?

ablueshka 0

Thursday 12 April 2012 7:53

I think she got it all ..........wrong

xplainphrox 8

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:20

Omg... Poor girl... And omg at the comments. Not even going try to relate my tales ~.~

ElricMustang 23

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:21

Haha ok then. Weirdo :P

zacefron101 3

Thursday 12 April 2012 3:23

Omg!! I did the exact same thing! I'll be bugged about it for the rest of my life lol

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 485

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 351

The Top

Today, my cat is extremely sick and has trouble grooming himself. As evidenced by his butt. He laid on me for a while and it wasn't until a few minutes after he got off that I realized he had stained my pants. That also explains why my chair suddenly looks so nasty, and why my room smells horrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 250

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 387

You deserved it 2 044

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 453

You deserved it 213 130

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 281

You deserved it 4 129

Today, I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via a fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 382

Today, I went out to eat. When I walked into the restaurant, a lady approached me and said she'd seat me soon. After a long wait, I saw that same lady leave. Then I realized she didn't actually work there and was just screwing with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 3 549