Health: Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being...

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 541

You deserved it 3 993

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 069

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 489

You deserved it 7 423

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 16:09

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 490

You deserved it 113

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 82

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 86

HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 16:00

Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 125

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 16:00

Today, I just had knee surgery which has put me on crutches for 6 weeks. I fell on my ass after washing my hands after using the bathroom. Ashamed, my boyfriend and father had to pick me up. I destroyed the towel rack, ripping it of the wall. All this pain is now potentially for nothing. It's day 4 post operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 130

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Sunday 6 March 2011 1:42

Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.

marleyvk 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.

Comments

Tammie123 0

Monday 7 March 2011 3:27

That makes so sense

stfumtfu 0

Monday 7 March 2011 5:08

The op is ******* retarded!!! I know I can wipe my ass without bending my knee, OR, I can wipe it as, wait for the brilliance, SIT ON THE ******* TOILET

kat376 0

Monday 7 March 2011 6:53

this is not true. because just last week I had my 2nd knee surgery so I have a lovely brace//cast preventing me from bending my leg at all. yet I can wipe myself. you just have to stand. so suck it up and stop lying.

DaveOnDope 4

Monday 7 March 2011 12:04

Have carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists at the same time. You'll find out who your real friends are.

snowangelle 0

Monday 7 March 2011 12:45

i totally know how u feel i had both knees worked on... i was just lucky enough to have someone help do wat i couldnt on my own

kportal69 5

Monday 7 March 2011 18:06

angle yourself and lean forward. really?? now was thatdo hard?? it took a comment on fml to help you with that?? or hey suck up your pride and ask someone. old people have to. why not start early.

jhillmoney 0

Monday 7 March 2011 20:00

who wipes anymore these days..get wit the program.

dansco 24

Tuesday 8 March 2011 3:23

I bend my knee everytime I wipe my arse so I know your pain... Actually no I don't! Your arm is still the same length and how did you use the toilet without bending your leg?